Featured Readings

Readings: Five Texts That Make the Case for Nearsighted Right-Wing Social Engineering

Beep-boop-bop-beep-beep–“perfect” society achieved!/Licensed Adobe stock, everythingpossible. 

Text-based greetings, Alt-reading lovers!

Given that the right-wing of the political spectrum has opened detention centers–essentially concentration camps–and not just any detention centers, but ones for children of different ethnic stock. The lessons of history, namely, in this case, The Holocaust, are clearly beyond us. The only thing further beyond us are the lessons of literary history. That’s why I’m going to jog your selectively self-aggrandizing memories down memory cul-de-sac called Five Texts Meet. I know that you’ll not only fail to see the horrifying point about how all experiments by the blunt hand of humans to tinker with the delicate makeup of individuals and groups, particularly as informed by the arrogant assumption that we can chisel each person or our society into an “ideal” shape with cruel attempts at ridding our lot of those we deem “inferior” are doomed to failure. The more things fail, however, the more we like them here on the contemporary right wing of the political spectrum. Hence, Trump. He’s an actual loser, but he has a gold toilet, blond hair, and a repugnant personality, but we think he’s the greatest thing since bread was first pre-sliced.

I’m going to just direct your attention-traffic down the cul-de-sac I referenced above by saying a few words about five written-word wonders that show in various ways that cruelty is bad. Too obvious a lesson, you say? Never– especially because my point is that we should try,  based on the non-success described in these textual tastinesses, another such experiment at oafish manipulation of systems so fine they took billions of years to fashion!

Related: Get some meal ideas for parsnip -based meals inspired by the Principle of Parsimony, one we don’t often abide by on the right!

Flowers for Algernon

This lovely little read tells the story of Charlie, who’s a kind, caring man with special intellectual needs. In other words, he’s just the kind of person we’d love an opportunity to take advantage of! Until such a time arises we’ll just have enjoy this book about an experiment in which researchers increase Charlie’s intelligence. Things take an unfortunate turn, breaking Charlie’s heart. But what’s a broken heart–or few million, in the ever-expanding circle of right-wing damage–as long as the Christo-white race gets to remain top dog! And if messing with one person’s life creates a book’s worth of problems, then the logical next step would be to say that those problems would multiply if you incresaed the number of lives you messed with. Done and done!

A Separate Creation

In his non-fiction best-seller, author Chandler Burr reviews the medical research and literature on the existence of one or multiple genes that code for homosexuality. This book is eminently readable and engrossing despite my dry description of it. Burr, it makes me happy to report, appeared on The Oprah Winfrey Show a good while after the publication of his book to offer the horrifying observation that if it were possible to have his genes altered to make him straight, he’d go for it. Way to not learn from all of humanity’s mistakes.

A Modest Proposal

Johnathan Swift’s classic of political satire proposes that the vagrant children of Ireland be sold as food to alleviate the poverty of their parents. As an Alt-righter who thinks kiddos not of my self-styled tribe belong in cages if their existence complicates arbitraty, nationalistic geopolitical boundaries, I don’t see why this was always seen as the apotheosis of Western satire. Same with The Rape of the Lock by Alender Pope about a fictional aristocratic woman in England throws a hissy fit when a suitor cuts off a lock of her hair. Imagine if someone did that to–oh, god it’s too horrible to even say–MELANIA!

Black Like Me

In 1960’s America John Howard Griffin underwent a medical procedure to temporarily darken his skin. This is the story of what happened to him when he became “black.” For most people, I would need to say no more, but for you Alt-ies, since you’re like me and have a childish belief that since you haven’t experienced discrimination based on your skin color then no one has, I’ll tell you that his life changed completely. Who knew! And more importantly, who cares? Certainly not those of us lucky enough to have been born white and then, through accidents of history, spread our hegemony over the Earth. NMP–Not My Problem. Oh, sorry–OUR problem. Sympathy for our mob mentality, that’s what that is.

And: IJDGAF-wear inspired by Melania’s coat of cruelty.

Cures

Another sad sack I’m glad I’m not and whose tale of torture at the hands of cruel homogenizers, for lack of a better word, I refuse to heed is Martin Duberman. This book by him is about the psychological torture he was subject to as a gay man in the conformist 1950s from various external forces that tried to “cure” him of being a homo. Talk about ungrateful!

Engines of Destruction

I have an Alt-friend who has both an undergraduate and a graduate degree in Mechanical Engineering. He went to a top-tier university, which isn’t often the case for right-ists like us. Most people who get an education understand that conservative politics are dumb. Good thing we’re not such people, right, Spread Your Right Wings (SYRW) readers. Anyway, this friend said to me the other day that he wished he could have gotten his degrees in Social Engineering, so he could really do his part to create the Christo-white-hetero society we need to feel good about ourselves over here on the right. No such program exists, mostly because the phrase “social engineering” is a theoretical one that describes a nebulous and various ideas and acts. But because of these five books I’ve told you of, you have some assignments that I know you won’t do, but what the hell: they’re not

By this time next week, I expect you, readers to have read exactly nothing–not even the aforementioned texts. It’s a dangerous activity unless you have a tyrannical guide like me by your side, because then I can be sure you’ll get out of the act of book-browse only what I wish you too. See you then!

Also: How to decorate your very own immigrant children’s detention center!

We at Spread Your Right Wings generally don’t like people, the Internet, or interacting with people on the Internet. Seek out someone—in person—to talk to and laugh with about this article. Check back with us as we continue to mock the right wing. Follow us on Twitter at @worstaltlife join our Facebook group, and follow us on Instagram at @worstaltlife. If you simply must get in touch with us, DM us through our Facebook group. Also, please, please see the disclaimer in our About section.

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