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Entertainment: The 3 Undocumenteds-Are-Animals Acts You Must See NOW!

They’re here, we might as well leer at them from the safety of the other side of a cage./Image: Licensed Adobe stock, anankkml.

The answer is, yes–yes, you can have one adult ticket.

Using the lives of sentient beings for our own tawdry, disgraceful entertainment is a time-honored tradition in human civilizations, particularly the best of the best, Western culture. There were gladiator spectacles in Ancient Rome, in which both humans and lions fought to the death. The carnival “freak shows” popular in 18th and 19th-century U.S. of A. And even now, Spanish matador’s stab bulls in what’s lauded as some sort of proud, honorable tradition, but is really just murder–good times! This happens the world over, too, so international good times, dear Spread Your Right Wings (SYRW) readers.

Some lovely hybrids of the animate creatures as amusement crossed with international goings-on are the uber-fun acts that have risen like Phoenixes from the latest fiery, to put an inappropriately benign spin on it, comments by President Donald Trump about immigrant, are the acts, diversions, and leisure-spots that use the undocumented immigrants the Prez referred to as “animals,” as reported by USA Today and every other legitimate news outlet in the Milky Way galaxy.

Related: See how we celebrated National Leaks Month in honor of the #1 and 2 leakers out of the Trump Admin: DJT and Conway!

Yowza! Yowza! Yowza!

Step right up, ladies and gentlemen, to the most horrific show on Earth! Do not be disturbed and deeply hesitant because these beings look like you. They’re not humans–they’re animals. And the vast majority of you eat, wear, and generally use animals for your own benefit. This is good for them! It’s good! They get a slab of stone to sleep on, partial protection from the elements, and gruel that a pig would turn his/her snout up at. All that wouldn’t be guaranteed if they were free to roam wild, killing our non-Jewish white young men, raping our non-Jewish white girls, and vacuuming our hotel hallways.

Look at this sad sack specimen. He’s weeping and shivering–aren’t you glad you’re not him? Or this woman and her gestating baby as the mother-to-be paces back and forth in her cage pleading with her eyes for help, and you’re amazed, no doubt, at how similar to you she is. And of course, one of our more popular attractions here at the Trump Brothers Barnone and Crazy Not-So-Human Circus is this man with a shackle around his neck gripping the lattice of his cage, rarely moving, standing there, wild-eyed and rigid.

Pamphlet-Map Hybrids

Aah, the magazine paper stock map that resembles a contemporary treasure map and is the paper of choice on which zoos, like Trump National Undocumenteds Zoo, print the maps to these fantabulous day-excursion spots. Let’s go to the Mexican Wildlife Exhibit first. It’s only here for a limited time, i.e., until Trump can deport these Bad Hombres and ensure they never come back with a border wall. Because who could ever figure out how to get through, under, over, or around a wall! Wow–look there. That one’s looking up from rummaging for edible scraps of refuse in her cage. Now she’s staring at us with a fascinating combination of anger and desperation, almost beseeching us to do something–anything–to end this misery she’s in.

Over at the MS-13 Grotto, things look even bleaker. Warring factions of that gang are beating, bruising, and bloodying each other. And we get to sip sodas and eat fries in those paper boat-shaped receptacles while watching–fun…for us!

Let’s go to the Salvadoran Spot, where Salvadorans–both El and San–are housed, to, again, put a miss-the-markedly benevolent spin on it. We’ll make a quick stop there, then we’ll all stop pretending we don’t really just want to go to the gift shop and buy stuffed animal likenesses of these imitation humans, random posters of drawings of them with the names of the exhibits emblazoned on them, and keychains that say “Trump National Undocumenteds Zoo in sparkly letters that trivialize and commodify a grave situation.

And: Read about the commercial scripts Mick Mulvaney is considering to advertise that his for political favors are for sale.

This Is a Sport–Really?

The ultimate in human, speciesist privelige is hunting for sport, particularly with guns. And this is why we’re so excited to join you on a quick jaunt to the Trump Undocumenteds-as-Game Park. Using dogs to corner these pretend-humans, undocumented, and then shoot them iis good, clean, family fun. So let’s get to it.

Shhh! Let’s crouch down so that one nursing her young doesn’t notice us creeping up on her. There–easy does it. And, shoot! Got her, and her little one too! Now let’s throw their limp, lifeless bodies into our Jeep, as we adjusted the brims on our UV-protectant hats. If a human-esque esque is “undocumented” they don’t really even exist, in a way, or at least their existence can never be proven once we end it. And if they’re “illegal,” they have almost no rights. So, if we kill a couple for our own amusement, it’s either OK, end of story, or it’s just slightly not OK, but we can just enjoy it while we’re doing it, then pretend it never happened. Simple as that!!

Thirst Must Be Quenched

Lemonade from lemons, my Alt shells of people. That’s what these places instantiate, making lip-puckering, lip-smacking, lip-stickying juice from the fruit of undoocumenteds beimg animals, therefore lesser, therefore acceptable to be used in any way we choose,Those undocumenteds came to our country to find a better life, a tiny minority of them were MS-13 gang members, Trump called them animals, and the heroes on the right wing of the political spectrum used their bodies for our entertainment. And you simply have to drive hours and hours, buy an overpriced ticket, and waste a day of your already wasted life leering at these caged beasts. The winnign just keeps on coming in the Trump Era, and we’re not getting sick of it at all, as Trump jestfully noted we might before he got elected.

Well, it’s been a long, sunburn-inducing, where-the-hell-did-we-park day. Let’s get on home, hydrate, and recover from the psychological trauma of being around that much asphalt and concrete. And until next week–did that person just cut in front of me in line?

Also: Get a sneak peek inside the new Trump-themed amusement park, Donnytown.

We at Spread Your Right Wings generally don’t like people, the Internet, or interacting with people on the Internet. Seek out someone—in person—to talk to and laugh with about this article. Check back with us as we continue to mock the right wing. Follow us on Twitter at @worstaltlife join our Facebook group, and follow us on Instagram at @worstaltlife. If you simply must get in touch with us, DM us through our Facebook group. Also, please, please see the disclaimer in our About section.

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