What Rudy Giuliani n is now, after a previous life as altar-boy thorn in the side of Mafiosi like Vinny “The Chin” Gigante, in the Manhattan of yesteryear,/Image Licensed Adobe stock, ysbrandcosijnl
As my faithful fans at Spread Your Right Wings (SYRW) know, I, Professor Ebenezer Scourge, along with being the literary critic over here at Spread Your Right Wings (SYRW) am a connoisseur, a savant, and an aesthete in the area of fragrance, essentially as a side hustle, because the editors of this damned website pay horribly, like most American jobs besides born-into-privilege-captain-of-industry-types. But I’m not at all bitter–and that word’s a verbal descriptor of taste, anyway. I’m more interested in the related sense of olfaction, whiff, perfume. In a happy coincidence–or not one at all, as we Alt-right-ers have lost our ability to identify intentional co-occurrence of things and our alleged perception that they’re happenstance, given our reaction to the mountains of evidence of Trump-Russia collusion–I love the smell of books, old, new, paperback, glossy, you name it. Even though I incorrectly fancy myself the Michiko Kakutani book-expert of random, unnecessary right-wing websites,
Another smell that I love is that of blood– that rich, metallic, odor that most people find nauseating I found to be an aphrodisiac, as do pretty much all of us of us on the right wing of the political spectrum. It means our prey, anyone in a life-position of disadvantage, is nearby, and we can draw from them their hemoglobin-fluid to further our evil plot to destroy the world. This bloody attraction is a common theme in conservative circles. The person we found most recently who’s out for blood happily surprised those of used to the idea that there are some rightist outliers who don’t gain their vital energy by draining that of others. We thought we would never see White House Adviser Rudolph Giuliani over here in ichor-imbibing land. But the beautiful, horrible thing about living in the Trump Era is that you just never know what–or who!–is to come.
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Sorry Not Sorry
So goes the title to one of 2018’s top-selling singles, by a one Miss Demi Lovato, a musical exploration of the temporal paradoxes that appear in a relationship over time. Those paradoxes are bittersweet, and ultimately, a sanguine part of the journey called love. “Gangsta Not Gangsta “could by Giuliani’s single about the unethical, harmful, and society-killing paradox he’s begun to live as a Trump acolyte. Giuliani made his name prosecuting Mafiosos in 1980s New York City, and despite his love of anti-human-Republican politics in the past decade, his history as a good guy of Manhattan jurisprudence was his saving grace to most outside the Republican universe. No such saving grace anymore!
He’s now a member of what in-the-know White House watchers almost universally described as a poorly-run organized crime syndicate, the Trump White House, as here in an article by Adam Davidson of The New Yorker. In a Chapter of his biography-cum-self-help-manual titled, “Dripping With Contradictions Like Gold Chains on a Guido,” Giuliani notes with a bizarre mixture of swagger and insouciance, that he simply, fuggedaboutit-ishly doesn’t care.
Confess Not Confess
This week, Giuliani also committed a rookie mobster mistake in his effusive media-overshares on his new, awful-human boss. Following his confession-by-proxy to campaign finance violations in an interview with This Week‘s Geoge Stephanopolous of ABC, Trump’s team of inept Bachelors-in-PR-ites went into rightful but calm-down-because-stuff-like-this-doesn’t-matter-anymore panic mode.
“The damage control effort continued Sunday morning on ABC’s This Week with George Stephanopoulos, where Giuliani said that the $130,000 payment to Daniels was peanuts, suggested that it’s fine to lie to the press, and blabbed about how it is likely that Trump’s former personal lawyer, Michael Cohen, also made other hush-money payments to women around the time of the campaign, using a pool of money that Trump repaid on a monthly installment plan,” reported Vanity Fair.
Right-wing media outlets, staffed by immoral monsters who’ll say and do anything for a paycheck as they are, remained typically silent in wake of this sleaze-fest revelation. #TheNewNormal.
If any of the members right-wing media were smart–and that is literally the last quality in a list of human attributes that could be ascribed to most of them–they’d be shuddering at the prospect of the emetic scandals to come, and get out while the getting’s not-even-good. In his book, Giuliani thanks those Alt-heroes for not doing so.
The Hallmark of the Guilty?
From a historical perspective, the ongoing genius of the Fifth Amendment of the Constitution of the United States of America, in part, a textual vindication of the inherent rights of humans, is that it gave the accused instead of the accuser the benefit of the doubt. From a contemporary perspective, it protects the innocent from stumbling into criminal guilty confessions resulting from the sometimes unavoidable contradictions of language and memory. Most amateur-but-oddly-bold legal eagles like us here at SYRW agree that what more often happens is that the guilty use the fifth to sidestep pointed questions in the courtroom.
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It should, then, not surprise our endless-Stockholm-Syndrome-worshipping-at-the-Trump-altar selves that Giuliani also TMIs this little gem in his book, recounted in a report on CNN: “President Donald Trump’s lawyer, Rudy Giuliani, did not rule out Sunday that the President could plead the Fifth Amendment in special counsel Robert Mueller’s Russia investigation,” wrote reporter Veronica Stracqualursi. RGiu notes in his book that he actively enjoys making glib, smug legal observations like the above, and we loved getting a BTS view into his choice to do so, thanks to the towering literary achievement of a biography.
Apparently, this isn’t a problem at all, let alone a dealbreaker, for the weirdos on the right that are we, so”mmoving on! And by that we mean you should move your web browser over to genericbooksellingsite.com and order a copy of this magnificence-between-covers today.
While you SYRW readers out there aren’t the sharpest tools in the shed, I’m quite confident that you’d know how to distort, contort, and intentionally misapprehend the most salient points from Giuliani’s Alt-guide to living. That would involve reading it, however, which you avoid in order to remain as dunderheaded as possible, wisely, but I can, alas not do the same. I have to provide incomplete, book-report-ish summaries of all the sizzling titles on the Infowars bestseller list for you! Particularly those of you entering your second act in life should, and will, I hope, take the points I’ve extracted from Giuliani’s biography like a dead body wearing “cement shoes” dredged out of The Hudson River, to help you with the particular right-wing experiment-in-awesome that will be your anti-gift to the world. If Giuliani can sink so very, very low, there’s no reason at all that you can’t. You can even follow his example, preferably without reading the book, because what kind of loser wants to do that, I’m not sure and not interested in finding out. Just use the above facts as you wish–as your imitation-heart desires.
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By this time next week, I expect you, readers to have read exactly nothing. It’s a dangerous activity unless you have a tyrannical guide like me by your side, because then I can be sure you’ll get out of the act of book-browse only what I wish you too. See you then!
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