Mick Mulvaney prides himself on being bribable like a good Alt-righter./Image: Licensed Adobe stock, mokee81.
Come sit next to me, Alt-design buffs!
This week all of us hard-righters, especially those of us at Spread Your Right Wings (SYRW) and our readers, got a gift from the Alt-heavens in the news of what a grade-A, first-class, all-around ultra-conservative, likes-corporations-better-than-people winner President Donald J. Trump Administration member Mick Mulvaney is. He’s actualizing his Alt-ishness in some pretty fabulous ways as head of the White House Budget Office and Interim Director of the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau (CFPB). In a Right Wing Nut Job (RWNJ) nutshell, Mulvaney’s using his influential political appointments to gut these Deep-State-regulatory and Nanny-State-oversight agencies and cede their former power to the money-men and banks they once watch-dogged.
As we often do at the Interiors department over at SYRW, I, Marla Stewman, thought I’d use the misguided, misinformed, and misapprehended-what-oversight-agencies-do actions of a Trump administration member to inform and inspire some design choices our readers can make. Below, I quote from this glorious New York Times (NYT) article on Mulvaney, even quote the Alt-meritorious man himself, and then give you a way to use that quote as inspiration in your home decor choices.
Corruption, Couched In Commendable Terms
“If you’re a lobbyist who never gave us money, I didn’t talk to you. If you’re a lobbyist who gave us money, I might talk to you,” the Times reported Mulvaney said to the American Bankers Association Tuesday,
This right up our alley here at SYRW: it’s corrupt, immoral, unethical, sick, and wrong, for one thing, And for another, it’s bald-faced, open, flagrant, in-your-face, and shameless about being so. These are the Trumpian times we’re happily, thankfully living in, much to the Liberals’ and Democrats’ chagrin.
A great way to manifest this love-of-corruption in your decor choices is to riff off the do-gooder idea that corruption is an example of key democratic values rotting into nonexistence.
Go to the nearest landfill, then, my readers, get a decaying couch, festering with holes and chunks of its stuffing missing, and just go ahead and put that lovely piece of furniture in your family room. Make it the centerpiece of the room, in fact!
Opposites Attract Stupid People
Mulvaney continued his spectacular speech, “by describing the two types of people he was most responsive to as a congressman — constituents and lobbyists who contributed to his campaign,” wrote reporter Glenn Thrush in the above linked NYT article.
When journalists asked Mulvaney’s spokesperson about this statement, he said: ““He was making the point that hearing from people back home is vital to our democratic process and the most important thing our representatives can do. It’s more important than lobbyists and it’s more important than money.” Yeah, but he was making also making a point of commensurate rhetorical weight that “trying to sway legislators was one of the ‘fundamental underpinnings of our representative democracy. And you have to continue to do it,'” as NYT’s Thrush put it.
To instantiate this nonsensical, non-sequitur, and non-democratic wondrousness in your home’s furniture, have some fun in its dining area. Leave most of the chairs facing your dining table. Turn two of them around so that their backs are toward the table, which makes zero sense as well. Why two? Just because that choice of number also makes no sense! And when people ask you what’s up with your dining chairs, shrug or give them an answer that defies logic or reason, and even the information our five senses glean from the world, like, “I like it when all of my dining chairs are facing the dining table.” But two of them aren’t–brilliant!
Deregulate the State
Monarchic Mulvaney has used his new positions to target a favorite scapegoat of the right, a.k.a., us: regulation. He’s halted investigations at the CFPB and made it harder for that agency to access data online, which it would normally use to initiate investigations.
“I don’t see anything in here that says I have to run a Yelp for financial services sponsored by the federal government,” Thrush reported Mulvaney said in his speech. Bravo. Brav-to-the-o, fellow Alt-ers.
And: Whart realy happened when Pompeo secretly met Jong-Un.
A home-goods-based way to honor this beautiful statement, staggering in its opposition to the Enlightenment values that founded our government, is to do something that will no doubt give you great satisfaction. Rip out all your smoke and carbon monoxide detectors. Throw them in a pile on the floor. Then go out and get some asbestos-laden paint, though you may have to order it from China or some such nation with more mercifully-lax regulatory laws. Now, use the detectors and paint cans to make an artful display in a prominent area of your home.
Procurement Precious
Mulvaney praises, hails, and extols the Alt-virtue of buying and selling political favors. He received $63,000 in campaign contributions from payday lenders for his past Congressional campaigns, and now he’s “scaled back efforts [of the CFPB] to go after payday lenders,” both tidbits of telling info courtesy of the NYT’s Thrush.
You can use the verity of visuals to celebrate this wrongheaded goal of Mulvaney’s to make predatory lending practices A-OK in the U.S. of A.! Yard signs are a deliver strong, semiotically-rich statements to all who see them, so get one made that says, “Political Favors Bought and Sold Here,” in flashing neon and plant it in the middle of your front lawn.
Let’s Get High-erarchy
Liberals should love hierarchies, because they’re a legal way to “get high,” which they enjoy doing, by all accounts, being the trippy hippie-dippies they are. But they don’t, and they sure don’t like Mulvaney. But we Alt-righters do, so who cares.
Mulvaney boasted in his talk Tuesday that the hierarchy of those whose input he favored as a Congressperson and state legislator (R-S.C.) went, in order of importance: constituents and then campaign donors. Damn the Democrats of the great American democracy and their obsession with ethical political behavior for forcing Mulvaney “constituents” in there at all!
In another arty homage to Mulvaney’s depraved way of conducting his political life, pile some stones on top of each other, then use that non-Native-American totem pole as an ornamental embellishment in your Alt-abode. You could put on a table, mantle, or even the floor. It’ll be a great conversation piece anywhere you park it.
Go Big or Go Homeland
It’s so important, readers, that after you makeover your home decor, you take time to appreciate your hard work, even to revel in it. So, sit on that disgusting couch inspired by Mulvaney’s love of political bribery. Invite a friend over to join in your absurdity based dining arrangement inspired by his spokesperson’s contradictory-to-put-it-mildly explanation of his boss’ words. Light something on fire inside and enjoy how your home no longer has any smoke detectors to get in the way of that blaze-based fun. Stand outside next to your yard sign and wave a wad of cash at passersby to simply rave–wordlessly, which is genius–about Mulvaney’s proud Banana Republican-ness. And snap and post to social media a selfie of yourself next to your decorative pile taking decor pleasure in good ol’ Mick’s love of hierarchy with the hashtag #dattotemlyfe.
Be off to do these things now! And remember to shut the door on your way out, but don’t let it hit your non-Jewish, white ass on the way out.
Also: The Top 5 Right-Wing dramas you need to be watching now.
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© 2018 Akbar Khan
