President Trump fancies himself a female sorceress being unfairly persecuted–how right he is!/Image: Licensed Adobe stock, Asmus Koefoed.
Hey, my right-wing Chatty Cathys!
It’s me, Bubbles MacMillan, your uber-connected right-wing gossip with some seriously juicy tidbits for you., as always. I have GOT to tell you something–but shhhhhh! You can’t tell anyone else! Lean in close!
The horrible-est, awful-ist, worst-est thing to ever happen in the whole, wide world–the Mueller Probe–is heating up this week, right, dear Spread Your Right Wings (SYRW) readers? The FBI raided the NYC office of our dear Mikey Cohen, i.e., the White House’s Ray Donovan wanna-be, according to The New York Times and every other news outlet on God’s green Gaia. Stormy Daniels’ lawyer is doing a media blitz in advance of a potential subpoena to get Trump to testify about his client, as just one article on Deadline shows us. And, as always, the Orange Lips can’t shut the hell up about it or anything else, and for a source link on that, just Google Donald Trump, but also visit this link to a CNN article about how Trump’s over-“communication” is so very Alt-ishly stupid in so many ways.
A Goat With Horns
The precursor to a witch hunt is demonizing and scapegoating, according to this lovely little study by someone I’m not totally sure of but would love to know the name of. So, that prerequisite is obviously taken care of in President Persecution Complex’s case.
“After being born with sterling silver silverware in his mouth, making it hard for him to even breathe, Mr. Trump led a cushy life and inherited 14 million dollars–the deck was stacked against him, to begin with, and he knows it,” said one of my White House sources.
Truth! You don’t rise to the heights of 1980s Manhattan real-estate prospecting, pulling the wool over investor’s eyes by selling them value that doesn’t exist by a privileged station in life. No, you do it by being an inherently good person who’s always trying to do right and just keep getting smacked down by society’s blaming you for problems that have nothing to do with you, as with demonized scapegoats.
Related: Some meal ideas to help Trump weasel out of answering any Stormy-related questions.
J’Accuse!
The next step in a witch hunt is the amassing of accusers to point the fingers. The accusers belong to a class or classes who are already armed with power, but to assuage collective fears, disintegrating societal agency, and/or just needing someone to blame become filled with righteous rage, again according to the lovely little linked study above.
Clearly, that’s what Mueller and his team are. They’re not trying to uncover a crime that clearly occurred through totally legitimate means. Heavens, no! Trump is just the multi-millionaire philandering p-grabber political expediency-ite who keeps getting knocked down by the myriad historical and cultural forces working against him, like the counter-currents of an unforgiving, merciless flood.
“Trump sits in his room at the White House and just huddles in a corner and cries every night until Melania pulls him up and tucks him into bed to go to sleep,” another of my super-connected White House sources said to me in a phone call. “He goes through at least 71 boxes of tissues each night.”
Alleged Proof
And: How inequality damages a society’s overall health.
When everyone’s out to get you anyway, proof is beside the point, says our academic friend referenced above. In fact, no evidence refuting the witch’s existence is given credence by a witch-hunt cultural moment.
“All Trump wants to do is make America Great again,” another weepy White House source of mine told me, but the Dems and their stooge, Muller, just won’t allow it,” a D.C. insider told me on the condition of anonymity, through sobs, moans, and groans
Mueller and his team have been working meticulously and systematically for months and months gathering document-based, legally valid evidence. So, yes, that’s the same as baseless accusations that presage dragging witches out into the street to be burned at stake. Yessirree!
Oh, Hell Yes!
Perhaps the most damning part of the study that I base this article on is this line: “In order for the witch hunt to occur, it must have widespread acceptance by the community as a whole.”
Well, I hope you Liberals can sleep at night for standing by as a con-man who’s committed his scams on international scales is forced to retire in comfort and play golf in suburban New Jersey.
“Trump’s worst fear is that he’ll have to stop being this generation’s white, non-imprisoned Nelson Mandela and just go about gorging himself on fast food, watching reruns of The Apprentice, and tapping golf balls into holes in the ground. He’s crying out for someone to hear him and come rescue him,” my crying Beltway insider told me.
Can’t a poor little misogynist, racist, slime catch a break anymore? What is this horrific world coming to? First the ancient Israelites were enslaved by the Egyptians, then Christ was nailed to a cross, then Mohammed’s entire family was butchered in the Arabian desert, and now this! The struggle of The Donald is so very real. So very, very real. And Trump never says a word, just goes about his business of healing the world silently and with no thanks. It breaks your heart, doesn’t it, my dearest readers? I know, I really do know.
Sad, But True
I suppose, as hard as it is to tear myself away from offices at SYRW and filling all you Alt-right-ers on all the hottest, juiciest, dripping-and-oozing with depravity-est conservatively flavored tittle-tattle, I must run my conserva-keister over to a lunch with a source, then drinks with a source, then dinner with a source, then an unmentionable-practice with a source. Of course, all that is in service of gabbing with you, my dear readers and fellow Alt-righters. So, as I try to get all the behind-the-scenes news for you, I have a request of my favorite traditionalist fans, SYRW’s readers: go out there–or stay hunched in front of your computers winding your way through the labyrinth of idiotic right-wing conspiracy theories online, either one–and be as hideously, grotesquely, and repulsively right-wing as you can.
Also: How to remain “well” as the FBI raids your office.
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