Anyone who isn’t the U.S. of A. on this map is in Scott Pompeo’s diplomatic dog house./Image: Licensed Adobe stock,
I hope you have your passports handy, dear Spread Your Right Wings (SYRW) readers, as it’s I, Antoine Boordayne, again (duh–it’s Tuesday, when my Travel column appears). As has been a frequent practice here at everyone’s favorite foolish, goofy Alt-right lifestyle blog for the past few weeks, we’re taking you on a tour of different locations around the world, one that defies the laws that generally govern the space-time continuum. After all, we right-wingers love when our leaders break the rules if it suits our needs. And a move by Pompeo from the top post at the CIA to the Secretary of State does just that: it suits our xenophobic, isolationist needs! Pack your bags and let’s be off to our first destination!
See Ya’, North Korea
Our first stop is the Korean peninsula, whose constituent land has been fissured by a political boundary separating its northern and southern parts into North and South Korea, the north being a regime hostile to the United States, the south, one that is friendly. As is true of all our most culturally simpleminded leaders here in the U.S. of A., Pompeo manifests an understandable discomfort with the oppressive and cruel North Korean regime with colonialist bluster and clumsy, awkward language that makes the listener feel like she’s listening to a dudebro at a college bar talk about a sports team’s management.
Related: Don McGahn did this when Trump invited him to his first ever Constitutional Crisis Party.
“As for the regime, I am hopeful we will find a way to separate that regime from this system,” Pompeo said. “The North Korean people I’m sure are lovely people and would love to see him go,” as CNN writer Eli Watkins reminds us.
A Turban Is a Turban
Now we’re in what we on the right like to look at and just call “the East,” where brown-skinned people most of whom aren’t Christian–even though some are, dear readers–live. The differences between them are less important to us than the fact that they are all different from red-blooded, gun-shooting, meat-and-potatoes-loving white people. One’s turban is the same as another’s, right fellow race-deligitimizers?
Pompeo called an American of Indian descent who ran against him in Kansas Congressional election a “turban topper,” signaling that that headdress worn by members of different ethnic groups for different reasons, is just one big, circular weirdo-hat to him, according to an article by Sam Stein of Huffington Post.
This lovely opinion was shared on the go-to social media destination for unproductive, even actively destructive communication, Twitter, then later deleted amidst flustered, intelligence-insulting apologies that it was a mistake and, “Oh, golly gee whiz–I can’t imagine how that happened!”
Because the Fossil Fuel Industry Lobbyists Say So
Or rather, if I don’t say it, then it’s true, in this case. Pompeo is another right-wing climate change denier
Let’s all hurry into this spaceship and make our way to that burning orb called the sun, the one set to bake our home to a crisp as the globe’s atmosphere is poisoned by fossil fuel emissions. Despite scientific consensus that this is happening, those on the right of our political spectrum, like Pompeo, deem it more important to protect their industry pals who might actually have to take a temporary hit to their real-alligator-skin wallets if they invested in clean energy.
As you read this next quote, brought to us by Pompeo, recall another abuse apologist, President Donald Trump: “There are scientists who think lots of different things about climate change. There’s some who think we’re warming, there’s some who think we’re cooling, there’s some who think that the last 16 years have shown a pretty stable climate environment,” CSPAN noted.
The cadence and prosody of that borderline demented excerpt recall those of Trump’s “some are true, some are false, some are old, some are new,” Dr. Seuss book description of allegations of abuse by wive’s of husbands who have physically assaulted them, like his ex-Golden Boy pet and right-hand man Rob Porter, as reported by The Washington Post.
Persianistaninland, Or Whatever It’s Called
What’s this place called again–Persia? Oh, right–EYE-ran. We better “ran,” before one of these terrorists blows himself up, but we had to come here, as it’s the target of a different brand of ire from Pompeo. He hates the Iran nuclear deal, especially because he associates it with our right-wing’s liberal boogeyman, President Barack Obama, we assume. According to this foreign-policy specialist, it must be destroyed, preferably we hope he’s saying along with that country’s people and all people over yonder in, again, “The East.” For more on this fabulous Alt-right topic, see this article at Huffington Post.
Makes Us Want a Shot of Vodka
Ah, the Kremlin in beautiful Moscow. Look at its colorful spires and majestic extension in the square.
Pompeo has been no fan of Russia lately, and actually believed it meddled in our elections in engaged in other aggressive, abusive actions on the international stage, noted
We’re guessing now that he’ll likely have a post. Secretary of State, in which he may be expected to spout Trumpian lies more than as the less partisan one of CIA Director, he’ll sing a more conciliatory, sunny tune when it comes to this hostile foreign power. We’ve learned that the right, our lovely part, will pretty much say or do anything, or not say or do anything, to continue backing Trump. Those are just two of the reasons we love our Alt-father figures ever so much.
Chit Chat as We Return
We’re almost ready to land back in the United States of America. Thank god! Don’t you SYRW readers and fellow-righties just feel icky when we’re anywhere but the land of strip malls and strip clubs?
Just Some Fun Parting Notes
Pompeo opposes a woman’s right to an abortion unless it’ll kill her to not have one, and he’s against gay marriage. Such a right-wing winner!
Also: See what was really behind David Shulkin’s firing.
That was some trip, our dearest, SYRW readers. It’s always good to know there’s substance, even if it’s misguided, misapprehended, mis-everything substance, behind a person’s vitriol. We can’t be putting our Alt behind someone who just pays lip service to racism and cultural colonialist practices. We need a true blue hater, and Pompeo is just that. We hope this tour has helped to show you that. We better get catch our flight back homeland!
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