Digital communication has some rules–which, as members of the Alt, we’re free to disregard./Image: Licensed Adobe stock, Rawpixel.com.
How are we doing, my questioning, conservative readers? Once again, it was a week of tumult, chaos, and disarray in Republican politics–just the way we Alt-mayhem-lovers like it, right Spread Your Right Wings (SYRW) readers? And as always seems to be the case, I received an oh-so-apropos letter from a conservative querier who needs advice from a “professional” with dubious credentials–me–that parallels what’s going at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue and in the orbit of the man of that house, President Donald Trump. After all, one of the great things about the current political situation among the many to choose from is how virtually every aspect of it can be an instructive parable about how we on the right wing the American political spectrum can and should conduct our lives! I present to you the following letter I got from an SYRW reader.
Dear Kaylee,
I am a middle-aged man who lives in the Northeast. I’m a proud, politically-conservative man–and I love your column and SYRW as a whole! I’m writing to you today because I have a problem I think you can help me with. I’m in a relationship with a fellow conservative, a woman. We’ve been together for a little over a year. She and I have reached a relationship crossroads where we each must decide how to proceed in this partnership–or if we should proceed at all. Among the many factors I have to consider in making my decision, these days there is the issue of whether I should be worried about all the digital communication we engaged in during the course of our relationship. This is particularly true of emails. As we often hear vis a vis this topic, “Once it’s out there, it’s out there.” Is it silly that I’m actually listing in the “cons” column that we sent many sensitive, shall we say, emails, texts, social media missives, etc. between the two us that I wouldn’t want anyone else to see. Is my fear that she might show them to another person, even, possibly, many people a reason to consider staying in the relationship?
Nervous in Nantucket
Related: Snack ideas for Friday Night Massacre parties.
Dear Nervous,
Given that you are a member of the Alt-conservative community, like all of us here at SYRW, the short answer to your question is: no. No, your worry that your could-be-soon ex might release for public viewing some digital communication between you and her of a private and/or sensitive nature isn’t a reason to stay in the relationship.
As always, let’s look to President Donald Trump, and/or members of his administration, and/or other conservative winners at life for guidance. This past Friday, President Trump, whom we on the right apparently think is infallible in every way, took to Twitter to do something most people would do discreetly. He announced that Attorney General Jeff Sessions, acting on Trump’s orders, had fired deputy director of the FBI Andrew McCabe, as reported by CNN.
He also took that avian-themed social media site to take a gloatingly unseemly victory lap about it. He probably thought this would justify it to all those liberal Negative Nellies out there who gripe about every move he makes, finding fault with it even when it’s something you’d think they support! Soon after this principled, ethical, proud move on Trump’s part came stories that McCabe had notes on interactions with Trump, implying that those notes were, as you described some of your messaging with your girlfriend, sensitive material. McCabe turned those notes over to Special Counsel Mueller. But our brave, valorous, heroic president doesn’t care. He stood by his decision to have McCabe axed, calling it “a great day for democracy.”
Also: Creating a cozy, politically-conservative bedroom.
Andrew McCabe FIRED, a great day for the hard working men and women of the FBI – A great day for Democracy. Sanctimonious James Comey was his boss and made McCabe look like a choirboy. He knew all about the lies and corruption going on at the highest levels of the FBI!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) March 17, 2018
Having testicles of titanium–and nothing to back them up–Trump then continued to stoke the fire on Twitter, saying McCabe’s notes were self-serving bunk of no consequence, essentially. He called them “FAKE!” Yes, yes, yes–give us what we want–what we need, President Trump–a rich, old, white dude acting like an Alpha-male-wanna-be on steroids! Give it to us good! And keep it coming!
Sorry, I got a little carried away, But as a fellow member of Team #TrumpForLyfe, I’m sure you can understand, even join in my reveling in Trump’s hideous beauty. In your own situation, you should look to our Alt-leader for an example of how to behave. Throw caution to the winds of his tornado-style of governing and dump your girlfriend! Next, proceed to announce in a public forum that any digital communications or “notes” she claims to have about you and/or your relationship are “FAKE” and not to be validated, given credence to, or legitimize in any way, Smear her before she can smear you. And remind yourself that you’re an indefatigable, unerring, and generally flawless Alt-human.
Hence, even if your ex does make some desperate, shameless show of any communication–or threatens to–you’re safe, man. The world has your back, as the Alt-dudebro you are. Live the dream, dear, Nervous!
And: The shocking truth behind the equality-in-offensiveness White House.
You’re Welcome In Advance
I, Dr, Kayle, hope, as always that the letter above and my response to it have provided all our Alt-readers (and I can’t imagine there are any other kinds) with some insight into your own lives. If I’m doing my job well, and I sure think I am, my advice to Nantucket should be of use to you in making one or more decisions about a sensitive or complicated topic in your own life/lives that you’re having trouble resolving. For my part, I better skedaddle and get to my continuing social work education classes so I can be as well-prepared as possible to be the Alt-right’s answer to Ann Landers, Abigail Van Buren, and Carolyn Hax all in one.
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© 2018 Akbar Khan
