Betsy DeVos said “maybe I should” visit Michigan schools to find out what will really fix them./Image: Joe Readle, Getty Images.
May the Almighty Dollar be with you, on this chilly-on-the-East-Coast Sunday morning, Red-state readers!
We at Spread Your Right Wings (SYRW) assume that, by now, all our Alt-readers have seen either in its first glorious instance on TV or as a viral video on everywhere.com, Leslie Stahl’s cringe-inducing interview with Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos, uploaded to YouTube with annotations by The Washington Post. Oh, the humanity! Or lack thereof. DeVos struggled to answer basic questions about education, educational policy, or even why she supports the conservatively-creepy initiatives like “school choice” and “school vouchers” that she does. She seemed glib, unperturbed, and unmoved by her own ineptitude.
When Leslie Stahl suggested DeVos visit some of the public schools in her home state of Michigan that she claimed were doing better with less funding, DeVos replied with an infuriatingly insipid, “Maybe I should!” Aside from being a great rallying cry at the next anti-DeVos rally, we thought this epic phrase would be great for some merchandise that makes the point that a lot of other Secretaries in Trump’s Cabinet “should maybe” bother to apprehend even a basic understanding of the fundamental concepts involved in, issues underlying, and solutions possible for the vexing social problems they’re charged with “fixing.”
Confession Time
To be honest, DeVos is only the most glaring example of Cabinet Secretary woeful ineptitude that infects pretty much every one of Trump’s high-level government appointments. So, it’s not really fair to pick on Sec. DeVos–not that she’s very concerned, herself, with fairness. And not that her entire life isn’t an example of unfairness run amok, given that she’s married to the king of con jobs, the ex-CEO of Amway.
But anyway, why not go on over to Popular Science for a primer on how to make your own protest sign. Write on one, “Sec. DeVos, MAYBE SHE SHOULD,” and march about at her next public foray, exercising your first amendment right to protest. Given that she knows next to nothing about almost everything, she may not know you have that right, keep a copy of the Bill of Rights in your pocket in case you need to drop some knowledge on her flat ass.
Making a Pinpoint
Maybe, like DeVos and schools in Michigan, EPA Director climate-change-denier Scott Pruitt should visit the offices of researchers who actually know about global warming and that it is happening, that it is the result of human behaviors and actions, and that it is having a negative effect on our one and only home. Maybe he should!
You can head over to Lapel Pins to make your own pin that says: “Scott Pruitt–MAYBE HE SHOULD!” Then put one on every item of clothing you own, so you’re always decked out in one. You can also hand them out to friends, family, and strangers. And finally, you can leave a bunch at Scott Pruitt’s office door! Let’s hope he reads them, and, soon after, slips on one and falls on his butt. Maybe he should!
And: How to make your bedroom into a cozy, politically conservative personal space.
Protest In Cotten Blend
Perhaps nothing is more American than the protest t-shirt. Ok, ok–a lot of things are. But the many protest movements of the 1960’s coupled with mass-production capabilities of then and now, spawned this very American piece of apparel. After all, the t-shirt is a Stateside invention isn’t it, dear SYRW readers? So, the final thing we love this week is a t-shirt, this time aimed at Attorney General Jeff Sessions. It could say, “Do your job, Sessions–MAYBE HE SHOULD!” Instead of firing people deemed hostile to President Donald Trump’s authoritarian dreams, he should try upholding the rights of U.S. citizens. Maybe he should!
Oh, the Possibilities
Imagine wearing a Sessions t-shirt, attaching a Pruitt pin to it, and holding up a DeVos poster all at the same time while standing outside the White House (groups of 25 or less don’t need a protest permit, according to the Washington Peace Center) screaming, “Maybe you should! Maybe you should!”
As Rose said on The Golden Girls once: “This is so exciting! Exercising our right as free Americans to stand up and say, ‘We’re mad as hell, and we’re not going to take it anymore!'”
Furious Repurposing
The best thing about this edition of our weekly Stuff We Love column, if we do say so ourselves–and we do–is that all of the above-listed items have uses that are ancillary to their primary use for protest, but just as practical.
You can furiously rip in half the Betsy DeVos “MAYBE SHE SHOULD” poster when President Donald Trump takes his next step toward instituting an authoritarian government with himself at the top. And when need be, you can use the Scott Pruitt “MAYBE HE SHOULD” lapel pin for poking yourself to for a tactile assurance that this is all not, in fact, a nightmare–it’s real. And when it all becomes too much, get out your Jeff Sessions MAYBE HE SHOULD t-shirt to crumple up, bite down o, and scream into in a blind rage.
What a load of unadulterated, macabre, fun, fun, fun! And that’s the point of buying stuff–capitalist-flavored fun!
Dear SYRW readers, we know it can be hard to speak out against the idiots our president has appointed to high-level policy-making positions. But doesn’t it seem like, at this point, we must? The right-wing–like us at SYRW, and you, our readers, thought Trump would drain the swamp, but what he actually did was drain it then fill it with human instantiations of untreated sewage and toxic waste. So, we respectfully ask you, readers, to get the above merchandise or make your own based on what we described and scream and shout and holler anywhere and everywhere and right there “Maybe You Should! Maybe You Should” to force this merry band of idiots out of office before they gut the entire social and environmental safety net.
Also: Give yourself a Dana Loesch makeover, conservative cuties!
Until next week, then, readers, when we bring you the latest in right-wing swag to purchase, remember: Cha-CHING!
We at Spread Your Right Wings generally don’t like people, the Internet, or interacting with people on the Internet. Seek out someone—in person—to talk to and laugh with about this article. Check back with us as we continue to mock the right wing. Follow us on Twitter at @worstaltlife join our Facebook group, and follow us on Instagram at @worstaltlife. If you simply must get in touch with us, DM us through our Facebook group. Also, please, please see the disclaimer in our About section.
© 2018 Akbar Khan
