Have a sip, courtesy of Secretary of Education, Betsy DeVos./Image: Licensed Adobe Stock, MSPhotographic.
Brigadier General Betsy DeVos, Secretary of Education in the Army of Trump Kakistocracrats, the most-possibly unfit people President Donald Trump chose to run the country, will partner with Roche Pharmaceuticals to make sure date rapists who use the company’s drug Rohypnol to incapacitate their victims, have easy, affordable access to the drug.
“The vast majority of so-called-date-rapists,” DeVos said. “are stand-up white guys who just don’t want to deal with prissy girls who expect to be asked before being penetrated–this program is for them,” a representative for DeVoss said on her behalf, because she’s too stupid to string a sentence together when reached for comment.
Trump’s sloppy-seconds appointment of DeVoss’ to lead the nation’s way in educational policy after his original pick, Jerry Fallwell, Jr. declined the nomination sparked immediate controversy among educators, parents, and students alike. Objective-journalism-ly speaking, she knows nothing about public education, having never researched policy issues or written an academic paper on the topic, let alone explored an original thesis. Her” interest” in it has led exclusively to “philanthropic” pursuits advocating for school choice, voucher programs, and charter schools, which are all conservative attempts to decentralize, defund, disempower, devalue, and delegitimize national public education and those who depend on it. She attended private schools and wants all white, rich boys to have the same opportunity.
Related: See what fun lies in wait for you at Donnytown!
DeVoss is married to multi-level scam marketing company ex-CEO Amway and together they head the 88th richest family in the United States. Her biography page on the Department of Education website is littered with empty pablum, such as the following: “Secretary DeVos has been involved in education policy for nearly three decades as an advocate for children and a voice for parents.” She likes kids and their parents–how rare and admirable! The truth about her All Children Matter (she’s the head of a PAC that is actually named that) views on life and education are unsubtly jammed in between the pat, nebulous garbage text. Woe to the person who wants to find out specific policy objectives or a record of them that this dangerous woman worked toward.
Her PAC meddled in state-level elections using, among other wonderful techniques, “astroturfing,” or creating the illusion that a candidate has grassroots support by making copious, small donations. The only thing that could be more depraved is the look in her dead, soulless eyes.
DeVos’ greatest accomplishment is managing to have a bowl haircut that is somehow still parted in the middle. We dream big like that, too, here at Spread Your Right Wings (SYRW), readers.
She revoked two Obama-era guidelines that made it easier for sexual assault victims to prove they had been raped after meeting with men’s rights groups.
“Janet Napolitano, the president of the University of California system and a Homeland Security secretary in the Obama administration, said in a statement that the department’s announcement would ‘in effect weaken sexual violence protections, prompt confusion among campuses about how best to respond to reports of sexual violence and sexual harassment, and unravel the progress that so many schools have made,'” reported the New York Times.
Enter the Roynpnol-Rapists Rights Program™, which DeVoss’ office announced in a press release. It seeks to make easier the lives of would-be perpetrators of sexual assault not through increasing the burden of proof when a woman on a college campus accuses a fellow student of rape, as her reversal of the Obama era policies did, but to make the actual rape itself easier to commit.
“Being forced to ask if his partner wants to have sex is an extra-step most fellows just don’t want to take, and who can blame them? Their Golden Boys Next Door who’re just used to taking what they want. I have billions of dollars, and I live the same way,” DeVoss told SYRW, this time not through an assistant.
The Rohypnol-Rapists Rights Program™ has teamed up with Roche Pharmaceuticals to provide discounts to dudebros who tell they’re doctors they need the powerful sedative-hypnotic for sleep, then note on the prescription before filling it at a pharmacy that they intend to use it to “immobilize, debilitate, or otherwise disable a female college classmate in the interest of an easy, hassle-free pathway to sexual intercourse with her.”
Such men, DeVos said, need to let off steam, gain valuable sexual experience, and brutalize women in preparation for life after college when they’ll be raping the entire nation with jobs at Goldman Sachs.
And: How to eat crow, if you’re a right-winger!
The Secretary said her husband gave her a “Rufie” one night without asking, and she woke up the next morning feeling fresh and well-rested.
“I was so glad, when my husband told me he had had sex with me the night before, that I didn’t have to be conscious while squirming underneath him for ten minutes. Wouldn’t these ‘sexual assault victims’ rather not remember it too?” DeVos opined.
DeVos hopes putting a Cabinet Secretary’s stamp of approval on rape will help bring the rights of the rapists to the forefront, instead of the whole campus sexual assault conversation centering on the “whiny girls who regret letting a lad go all the way and then call it rape.”
“[Campus rape] accusations–90 percent of them–fall into the category of ‘we were both drunk,’ ‘we broke up, and six months later I found myself under a Title IX investigation because [the victim] just decided that our last sleeping together was not quite right,” said Candace Jackson, an official in DeVos department said last year, according to Vox.
DeVos noted that the “fight to ensure due process for good, male kids” accused of rape on college campuses is “mostly just something to do for now.” When Trump’s reign of terror is over, either in three years or seven, and she has far less power than she does now, she’ll likely go back damaging the nation and its people via her previous preferred methods, such as corrupting local elections using her All Children Matter PAC.
She gave SYRW a Rohypnol-Rapists Rights Program™ Starter Pack, which comes with five Rohypnol tablets, and tips on how to get in there and get out, no muss, no fuss. It also contains literature on how to muddy paternity test results in a court of law, so white “good boys” can avoid being saddled with an illegitimate child while still getting their Bachelor’s degree in Finance and get on with their lives becoming moralless captains of industry, sleazy lobbyists, and maybe even a big, orange-hued president.
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