Gary Cohn can croon with the best of ’em–well, the most mediocre of ’em./Image Licensed Adobe stock, zoommachine.
Everyone who’s anyone–and even some people who are no one–are talking this week about the latest Trump administration member to hit the bricks: top economic adviser Gary Cohn. White House insiders have long-known this shiny-topped modern-day Robber Baron had another skill in addition to his gift with numbers. He can sing! And he’s doing just that, channeling all that was left unsaid, everything people don’t know, and some you’ll wish you didn’t about his 14-month-tenure in the orange-est White House in history. We met up with Cohn at Elephant Recording Studios during one of his lunch breaks to talk about all things related to his freshman album of ballads, “Will You Gary Me? Our own music critic Pietro Travesty filed this report.
Music/Makes the People Come Together
So sang The Queen of Pop, Madonna, on her ionic track, “Music” And it sure does, doesn’t it Spread Your Right Wings (SYRW) readers? When I sat down with Cohn over organic vegan meals and hot tea and lemon, that was the first thing he said to me.
He took off the jacket of a blue tracksuit he was wearing and massaged the soul patch he said he’s letting grow in now that he can concentrate on his music full-time for a while.
“I know some people think I’ve not lead what you’d call a life of kum-ba-yah, pie in the sky, having worked at a bank on Wall Street and now in Trump’s administration. But there’s another side to me, a sensitive, introspective, deeply feeling side. That’s the side I hope comes through on this album,” Cohn said between sips of the hot tea meant to soothe his vocal chords.
Cohn told me that as a member of a dark, sinister White House staff, he had to have an outlet for his passionate, tender feelings. All of them. In particular, he said, his beliefs about federal economic policy and how it should mostly benefit corporations, not average Americans, left him feeling a little cynical and soured on humanity’s prospects.
“I felt like an album of original ballads about what my ‘big moments’ at the White House had really made me feel was a good idea. I hope it speaks to people,” Cohn said.
We asked Cohn to talk about the stories behind five of the album’s tracks that he’s most proud of.
If He Could Turn Back Time
Cohn said that as a man of strong Jewish faith, staying silent when President Trump first said nothing about the neo-Nazis marching in Charlottesville, Virginia and then said there were some very fine people involved in that chlling rallyl was hard for him. He said he wanted to scream from the top of Washington Monument, “You’re a racist pig, Trump,” but like many Trump Team members, he felt he had to accept Trump’s bad behavior for the opportunity to effect change in areas important to him as one of his top advisers.
“So, I wrote, “Wish I Had (Spoken Out About Charlottesville)…Because, well, I do wish I had spoken out more vociferously about it. As it was, Cohn offered a mealymouthed barely-a-criticism of Trump’s comments on Charlottesville, according to Vox.
Bankers’ Bromance
Before hopping on the Trump Train, Cohn was second-in-command at one of Wall Street’s most influential and influential banks, Goldman Sachs. Word around D.C. was that he sought to influence economic policy that would favor his old banking buds at that financial institution.
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“Before my inexplicable decision to join the Trump Administration and tarnish my otherwise favorable reputation, the guys at Goldman were my peeps,” Cohn said thumping his heart twice and making a peace sign. The main policy decision he had wanted to see to fruition, many White House watchers speculated, was Trump’s recent “tax reform,” which included hefty handouts to big banks.
The deep, meaningful bonds of mutual convenience he made at Goldman were behind another song he penned for his album, “Goldman Sachs, I Got Your Backs.”
Not So Heavy Metal
“I like soft rock, easy listening, mellifluous melodies, so to speak,” mused Cohn as he took a bite off the farrow, mushroom, and beet salad in front of him.
As such, he continued, he wrote a song about how he was hurt, almost heartbroken, by Trump’s decision to levy import tariffs on aluminum and steel. It was a move he was strongly opposed to.
“I really thought…,” Cohn told me, “I really thought Don and I understood each other, that we had a connection–oh, God, I promised myself I wouldn’t cry,” he said softly lifting a hand to his mouth as his eyes watered. “The whole tariff thing made me feel like it was all a lie. That’s why I wrote, ‘Aluminum and Steel, You Make Me Feel.'”
Casy Jones, Savings and Loans
Before his life of financial finagling, Cohn was a “Deadhead,” following the band around as it toured the country for more than a year.
“I knew I had to write at least one song paying homage to The Dead, and since they’re so much about living a life of laid-back peacefulness, I wrote, ‘Grateful Fed’ about how even though I didn’t get to be Chairman of the Federal Reserve during my tenure in the White House, which is what I had hoped for, I’ll always be grateful for the shot Donny gave me,” Cohn said to me, smiling as he moved around his plate the last few bites of food on it.
Decisions for His Dignity
A lot of people in his life, Cohn said, told him it seemed like he was just another Trump acolyte who’d sign on to work in the most horrific administration the presidency had ever seen. And by the end of his time there, Cohn felt like that’s what he was doing. He said he had to leave if he had any hope of salvaging at least some of the goodwill he’d built up in the financial industry over the years.
“That’s what, ‘Takin’ a Step for My Rep,’ is about. Sometimes, you’ve just got to…” he paused and looked to the side, “Sometimes you’ve just got to do what’s right for you, ya’ know, Pietro?” he asked, a bittersweet lilt in his voice.
I smiled and nodded and we made a toast to “new beginnings.” He glanced at his watch and asked for the check. After he paid his half, he said he had to get to a barber’s appointment to make sure his dome was freshly shaved, a look that suited both his financial persona and his musical one!
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Swan Song for Cohn
We hope we’re not jinxing anything when we say, “This album is set for the top of Billboard’s Hot Alt-100 Charts. I mean, we at SYRW are personally salivating like a rabid Doberman to hear more, more, more! And we assume our fellow Right Wing Nut Jobs (RWNJs) feel the same way. To get to watch Cohn record some of these tracks live in the studio was more thrilling than seeing The Three Tenors, Sir Laurence Olivier, and Martha Graham perform live–combined. The pathos, the heartache, the longing! We hope we’ve convinced you to run out and buy a copy of “Will You Gary Me” when its released late this summer.
Now, we’ll take our leave as we look for the next big thing in reactionary, hate-filled entertainment to apprise you of in next week’s column. See ya’ then!
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© 2018 Akbar Khan
