Trapped no more–the White House has set Jared Kushner free….er./Image: Licensed Adobe stock, Sangoiri.
Rock-on, Red-State Reactionaries!
As always here at your favorite right-wing lifestyle blog, Spread Your Right Wings (SYRW), we are on the lookout for what you need to know to live your worst, most morally decrepit, depressingly effed up life. You’re welcome! So, we used our all-access pass to the most chaotic, desperate, hideous-in-every way White House to ask some of our fave Trump admin officials what books, music, and movies (TV is usually saved for its own article, as we could go on about it forever!) are occupying their macular orbs, cochlear appendages, and cerebrospinal fluid these days.
What the Wood Pulp?!
Books are. made of wood pulp, loves–well, some are–so it makes totes sense that a chunk of text about them would be called that. Anywho, you have no doubt heard by now that the needy chick half of the Trump-Kushner relationship, Jared Kushner, has had his security clearance downgraded, as reported by every major news organization on the planet yesterday, like HuffPo, dealing a blow to his ability to usher in world peace with his background of questionable acceptance into Harvard and failed real estate projects. Honestly, he’s cute and has dimples–and we mean that–so he always has that going for him! And he doesn’t seem like a soulless monster like many others in the Trump family and admin. We asked JKush what he’s reading these days and he submitted the following titles for your consideration.
Related: See what the experts say about bullies–and whether he is on!
Go Away Back Here
I Hate You–Don’t Leave Me! by Jerold J. Kreisman and Hal Strauss–otherwise known as the best way to describe his permanent facial expression. Now, this title is really the definitive guide to Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). No one thinks he has that, as far as we know. However, the push-and-pull, up-and-down, back-and-forth relationship instability of folks who do have it spoke to him. So, he asked people for treatises on that topic, and this was tops on the list of such volumes.
We’re Gonna Be All Right
I‘m OK–You’re OK by Thomas Harris. This book is one of the founding documents in the popular psychology genre and has sold more than seven million copies since it was first published. Make that seven million and one! Kushner has a copy, and he’s tearing through it, he tells us. It’s helping him realize that the Trump Admin can exist on its own, he can exist on his own, and maybe that’s just fantastic! Well, if he were here in person, we might just pinch those dimpled cheeks of his, it makes us so happy to know J-Dog is doing this that are healthy for him!
And: Using home decor to attempt to delegitimize the left.
I Love You, That’s All
Love Is a Choice: The Definitive Guide to Letting Go of Unhealthy Relationships by Dr. Robert Menfelt, Dr. Frank Minrith, and Dr. Paul Meier. Kushner says this tome helped him realize he was in a sick, twisted relationship with the White House, always wanting more than he could–or should–get. When he started to break free, this book proved an anchor in the early stages of breaking free of the cycle of codependency. He said he wouldn’t have been okay with having his security status downgraded and not fighting it, which is what he’s reported to be doing, without this text.
Free As a Bird
Let Go Now: Embracing Detachment. The basic thing to wrap your head around when shattering the shackles of unhealthy relationships–and it’s a constant, complex learning process, Jar Jar Kush tells us he’s learning–is learning to let go, not to engage when everything in your being tells you to, to avoid getting sucked back in to the related processes that can repeat endlessly in a loop. Go, Jared! We like the sound of this new person he’s becoming. If you want to go over to the good side, Jared, we won’t hold it against you. In fact, we might even come with you. When he needs to reset, Patty Kush Patty Kush President’s Man peeks inside this book, and no matter what page he turns to, he says, he gets exactly what he needed to hear on that particular day of extricating himself from his unhealthy ties to the Trump White House. He said hearing of the Washington Post story that foreign governments were trying to find ways to use his inexperience and global diplomacy and life, in general, to manipulate him into doing their bidding. It didn’t make him feel too hot to learn this, but he said this book helped him remember having an ego about all this isn’t going to help. And so, he let’s go, every day, sometimes multiple times a day.
My Name Is Jared
Love Addict: Sex, Romance, and Other Dangerous Drugs by Ethlie Ann Vare. As scary as it can be to admit you’re an addict, it isn’t the disempowering bummer we think it’s going to be, Kushinsky says his therapist reminds him often. When he finally started to accept that he was hooked on–well, whatever he’s getting out of his hot mess of a relationship with the most gnarly, withered-up-inside, horror-and-freak-show White House–he felt an inexplicable peace. No more would he be controlled by the status, attention, and feeling of power that came with his position as Senior Adviser to the President.
Plan B
The Dog Walker’s Startp Guide: Create Your Own Lucrative Dog Walking Business in 12 Easy Steps by J D Antell. You know, because it’s always good to have a backup. He likes dogs, walking is nice, Ivanka and the kids could join, and there’s no pressure besides doing a good job at something that is plain fun to do! So, billion-dollar estate deals didn’t work out so much. Maybe he’ll find fulfillment, pleasure, pride, healing, and a little pocket money by taking pooches out on ambulatory jaunts. One thing he’s learned from all the self-help books he’s read so far, is you never know what new horizons lie ahead unless you think outside the box and keep your eyes open!
Also: Our very own Dr. Kaylee advises a troubled Alt-child.
Obviously, you’re going to need to need to run out to Barnes and Noble to get these page-turner books, hop onto iTunes.com to buy these edge-of-your-seat non-fiction titles, or fire up your e-reader to download copes today. And we always hate to keep you from whatever it is that you, in your right-wing, navel-gazing, screeching-harpie-like-Wayne-LaPierre lifestyle, must do to hang on to cultural power instead of taking a graceful exit and letting new generations like the Parkland shooting survivors take over. So, get to it, SYRW readers, just get the heck to it. We’ll be on the lookout for lots more entertaining diversions to apprise you of next week–never fear!
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© 2018 Akbar Khan
