Jocelyn Wildenstein, looking picture purrrrrrr–fect./Image: Mike Ruiz, the Daily Mail.
Ciao Bella, Conservative Cuties!
In today’s beauty column, we’re taking a more conceptual approach to beauty. And, honestly, this is Trump Time, when you really don’t need anything–not even a willingness to adhere to a little thing called “the truth”–to be stunningly gorgeous! Hence, something that once required tangible results that we could all see, simply requires a Trumpy State of Mind.
We were inspired to take this philosophical approach to gorgeousness by none other than Ms. Jocelyn Wildenstein. Now, let it be known, we mean no ill will and we actually like a lot of stuff about this fabulous feline femme.
The woman who has become synonymous with plastic surgery addiction and feline life choices had this to say recently about her, unorthodox, shall we say, appearance: it’s due to her “Swiss heritage.”
Swiss Miss
Yodel-a-hee-hoo (hoo) (hoo) (hoo)! Who’s for some hot chocolate? Well, tie your blond hair in pigtails and chug a lug!
Apparently, opposites need not attract, as Lloyd Klein, Wildenstein’s fiancee, is as delusional as she is.
“I don’t understand the whole press and the Catwoman thing, because Jocelyn always looked like that,” Klein said. “She never really did anything to change her face. I have pictures from 16 years old where she looks exactly the same as today,” according to the Daily Mail.
Wildenstein says her Alpine background was the source of her “high cheekbones and long hair.” Right! That’s why all Swiss nationals look like science experiments gone really wrong,
Related: Pull up a plate at the Trump Era Salad Bar of Truth and make your own meal of veracity.
The New Not Normal
The reason we wanted to bring you this wonderfully wacky news on an Alt-right lifestyle website, dear Spread Your Right Wings (SYRW) readers, is that Wildenstein is clearly playing it fast and loose with the truth, and that is the way dear President Donald Trump rolls, too. So, we needn’t restrict our Truth Travesties to politics or social policy. No, we can also use them to be cat-clawingly gorgeous. In fact, if only Wildenstein had known Don, Sr. was going to be president! She could have saved herself a lot of trouble and French Euros and simply said, “I am a cat.” And that would have been that!
Don’t Look Back/Don’t Ever Look Back
So sang Kate Perry in her smash hit, “Teenage Dream.” And it’s also a motto for our bizarro times. Another Trump Era Treat, as you’ll recall, is that having said one thing in the past is no bar to saying another in the present or future. You can boast that you were a serial rapist and have been for years, and then when you don’t really feel like being bothered with that pesky fact, you can just claim a recording of you admitting that is not real! You can even apologize for it on camera and still deny it later!
Hence, Klein said this about Wildenstein’s looks, too: “She never really did anything to change her face. I have pictures from when she was 16 years old, and she looks exactly the same as today.”
State of Out-of-Yer-Mind
Now, it’s true that beauty has always been partially about an attitude, a posture, a knowledge of how to work it. There’s no denying that. Maybe Wildenstein’s delusional commentary of late it just about that–a sort of fake-it-til-ya-make-it moxie. And in that sense, Jocy Joc’s bold statements are pretty genius. But, um, we all have eyes, so we’re not really sure what she wants us to make of the fact that she looks exactly like she went to her plastic surgeon and said she wanted to look like a cat, and that’s what she had said in the past was the genesis of her clearly surgically “enhanced” face.
She’s also 77, so maybe she’s just losing it?
I Get That a Lot
We guess that on the next Facebook Celebrity Doppelganger Week, Wildenstein will be substituting French actress Brigitte Bardot’s picture for her own. She thinks she is and always has looked like that Silver Screen Stunner. Now, there’s no doubt Wildenstein was a cutie back in the day, but now?1
She thinks she’s “channeling” Bardot, according to the Mail. Once again, her partner in delusion, Klein chimed in.
Also: See how the Trump admin team relaxes during downtime at El Casa Blanco!
“It’s wild. Usually, when we go to restaurants or some French places, they go, ‘Hi, Brigitte.’ And I’m like, ‘You do. You do look like Brigitte Bardot,'” Klein opined.
Now, maybe we’re getting too mean here, but Klein sounds sort of like he’s speaking under duress. Is he scared that there’ll be a redux of the incident in which he came away with visible abrasions and lacerations after Wildenstein scratched him in a domestic dispute? Does he just want to hang in there until he can inherit some of the billions she’s likely has stashed away in the bankerooni from her divorce from French art world billionaire Alec Wildenstein.
Ok, ok, we’ll stop. That maybe was hitting below the belt. And it ain’t like ol’ Klein hasn’t had some “enhancements” himself. His upper lip is looking rather tugged upward if you know what we mean. There’s a serpent-like plumpness to it as well. We didn’t want you to think we’re making a thing of Wildenstein’s looks because she’s a woman, lest you think we’re no better than the misogynists we’re constantly railing against here at SYRW.
But really, Jocelyn? Seriously? You’ve never had any work done? What’s next, you came into your wealth by stumbling upon a bag of money with $2.5 billion (yes, dollars, for some reason, according to the good folks at the Daily Mail).
Cat-Atonia
We at SYRW have always liked JWild’s wackiness. We’re not big fans of the fact that she’s reported to be a big game hunter. But in this day and age, we might just have to make our peace with compartmentalizing certain things about people, and just appreciating what we like about them. It would all be well and good, nothing more than the latest in what’s become a lifetime of eccentric behavior by an oddly fascinating woman. But we just can’t help thinking, “This is what Trump hath wrought.” Words, facts, truth–they’re all just up for the interpretation that you like, that suits your purposes, that tickles your fancy.
Of course, in the case of President Trump’s multiple, daily lies that seem to get more and more outlandish and offensive (yes, all you opponents of PC-ism, offensive), more and more dangerous and dastardly, more and more audacious and atrocious, Trump’s from-afar acquaintance with veracity has real-world, often deeply meaningful consequences for upwards of 300 million citizens of the U.S., if not 7.5 billion of the world.
Also: See what we found on our cruise around through rocky seas of Internet dis/misinformation.
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© 2018 Akbar Khan
