This admin tells so many lies, this game should be more fun than usual!/Image: Licensed Adobe stock, Sergey Nivens.
What’s up on this fun, fun, fun weekend for you, Alt-fun lovers? Weekends are a time to relax, of course. And the last two weeks have been so intense they made a colonoscopy look like a walk in the park–oy!
It’s always helpful and reinvigorating for us Alt-righters to take such days and to reset by getting back to basics. One fun way to do that is ice-breaking parlor games.
Remember that old classic, “Three Truths and a Lie,” where each person said three things about themselves that were true and one that wasn’t true, and the other players had to guess which one was the lie. Well, we thank the good folks at Ice Breakers for apprising us of this variation on the above game called, “Two Truths and a Wish.” Your job is to guess the wish There’s enough lying going in the Trump admin and the right wing in general, so we figured this might be a fun, less depressing way to get to know some of our right-wing faves.
Related: See what Trump thinks everyone in schools needs.
We asked a handful of former or current Trump admin members to tell us two truths about them and something they wish to do or be, but told in a way so that it seems they already do or are it. Let’s get started. And, just so you know, the answer key at the bottom of this article
President Donald Trump
One: I currently have a popular reality show in which I am “the boss,” get to hob-knob with celebrities, and feel loved and admired.
Two: I Tweet close to 900,000 per week, anything from “go team” to “the Mueller probe is a witch hunt.
Three: I enjoy extra-marital affairs.
And: Don’t miss the news of the 5 sitcoms being retold from an Alt-perspective.
White House Counsel Kellyanne Conway
One: I moonlight for the person whose campaign I really wanted to work for, Ted Cruz.
Two: I think taking your shoes off in the Oval Office with a bunch of people, many with cameras, and then tucking them under you on the couch in an attempt to seem cute and kitten-like is valid behavior.
Three: I make flashcards to convince news anchors that my spin on the latest Trump White House disaster is the truth.
Vice President Mike Pence
One: I travel to far-flung geographic locations doing the diplomacy Donald Trump is not intelligent or adult enough to do.
Two: I spend a lot of time with my young, muscular chief of staff, Lance, and even though it’s all business, it makes me so happy.
Three: It sometimes falls on me to cast the deciding vote on contentious, hotly-debated Congressional bills.
White House Chief of Staff General John Kelly
One: I don’t like this job of Chief of Staff, but I felt it was my duty to my country take it.
Two: I am dedicated to serving my country, but my family, my wife and children, and so forth, are my number one priority.
Three: To unwind, I like to fly kites, and I’ve started competing in kite races.
Environmental Protection Agency Director Scott Pruitt
One: I think global warming is a hoax, or so my friends in the fossil fuel industry tell me.
Two: Who needs National Parks, we need to develop those suckers and grow the economy.
Three: I’m secretly building a house in a Mars space colony, in consultation with Elon Musk, so when the Earth is unlivable, thanks in part to my policies, me and my family can live there and be A-okay.
The Key to the Kingdom of Knowledge
Well, if you can call “it knowledge!” Or a “kingdom,” for that matter.
For Trump, his wish is “One.”
For Kellyanne Conway, her wish is “One.”
For Mike Pence, his wish is “Two.”
Also: Get the details on Oblomov’s Syndrome and how it’s devastating the right-wing.
For Gen. John Kelly, his wish is “Three.”
For Scott Pruitt, his wish is “Three
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© 2018 Akbar Khan
