“Bye, bye/Miss American Pie.” –Don McLean./Image: Licensed Adobe stock, doncon402.
Hello, Alt-design buffs! It looks like the weather’s warming up in a few parts of the country, and it sure is nice not to feel like your looking into a dark, icy abyss every day when you wake up to frigid temps. But then, aren’t we, particularly Trump voters and continued supporters, looking into that abyss still, regardless of the balmy weather and the tulips beginning to pop up? Our country, our sweet land of liberty, as the song goes, is at great risk as a result of the actions of the leader, President Donald Trump, whom we elected and many of us continue to defend despite incidents, multiple times a day, that prove he’s monumentally unfit for the job.
Two organizations, Stand Up Ideas and Protect Democracy compiled a lost of the ways Trump endangers our republic on a daily basis and offered a brief analysis of each. One of our favorite writers, Jennifer Rubin, wrote an Op-Ed at the Washington Post in which she included their analysis. Below are the five ways the above two groups categorized Trump’s attacks on democracy.
Given that we Trump supporters don’t seem to mind that Trump threatens–non-stop–every political institution and standard of this country that we claim to love so much, we thought you Spread Your Right Wings (SYRW) readers out there would want to add some decorative flair to your homes inspired by the groups’ findings. After all, your home is a reflection of a person called…YOU!
If You Love, Something Set It Free: # 1 Spreading Disinformation
Don’t think your smear campaigns have to be restricted to children traumatized by school shootings, lovely readers. Sure, a great way to be a promulgator of right-wing hate-porn like the official spokesperson for frat boy date-rapists, Donald Trump, Jr. is to just click retweet, but don’t forget to ground your low character in the here and now–your home!
The best way to do this, dear readers, is to have lots of easily-opened doors and windows in your home. That way, as soon as a Russian bot tells you a lie, use social media to disseminate the trash-information far and wide. We at SYRW are on a mission to help the world learn how to distinguish quality information, or qualformation for a fun way to refer to it, from dis/misinformation. That’s why we wrote this article here.
It’s easy to forget that “negative space” is a part of your decorator’s toolbox. So, make sure your living spaces have a lot of open, airy areas. In fact, here’s a fun rule: the further you close your mind to right thinking, the more expansive your living spaces should be!
Related: See what Steve Bannon said about his daily skincare regimen.
God Save the Queen/Fascist Regime: #2 Amassing Executive Power
Aaah, Sex Pistols lyrics. They make us happy. Never thought you’d see that on a site like this, did ya’, readers! Anywho…
Hoarding power and being an apologist for people who do the same is apparently part of the right wing’s new goal set. In order to keep your mind in line with this fabulous life choice, you can make your abode a sanctuary for power-grabbing. We have a really fun way to do this: we call it a Control Cubby! It’s a room dedicated to iron-fisted rule. Does a room seem too open, too willing to change, too responsive to the people you govern? Go smaller! A corner of a room, for example.
Assante Saana/Squash Banana: # 3 Quashing Dissent
Aaah, The Lion King lyrics. They also make us happy. Anywho, part two…
Many of you may already have a space in your homes perfect for squelching anyone who speaks against you: a mud room. This cute, little antechamber where Duckboots, umbrellas, raincoats and other quaint stuff goes, is the perfect place for killing dissent, offing opponents, and murdering traitors And if you do it in a mud room or similar space, you don’t have to worry about sullying the rest of your home in the process of your Duterte/Chavez/Putin/Jong-Un/Trump pursuits.
Too Delegit To Quit: # 4 Delegitimizing Communities
Aaah, MC Hammer lyrics (sort of). They make us happy-ish. Anywho, part three…
Delegitimization of whole groups of communities is probably never going to be the most lovely thing to base design on, as it’s evil incarnate. Hence, when you gut the progress marginalized communities, think of minimizing mess. Linoleum floors are a good choice for this space, as well, as they make easy cleanup possible when the blood and guts of the communities you disembowel are flying all over the place. Make sure the paint is easy to clean, too, so that wiping them clean can be easy-peasy. No muss, no fuss. Just women and minorities with no rights!
Absolute Power, Corrupts Absolutely: # 5 Corrupting Elections
Also: 3 products to help you tell the nation’s kids that we value guns more than them.
This involves very real actions Trump takes all the time, casting doubt the legitimacy of an election he won, refusing to call Russia out for their non-stop democracy derailing, being a the leader of the party of Gerrymander. A fun way to actualize this concept in your home might be using corrugated cardboard to decorate. You know, because “corrupt” and “corrugated” share five initial letters in common. So slap it on the walls, the floor, the ceiling. It’ll be the ultimate in conversation-starting design. When people ask you why you’ve broken down shipping boxes and hot-glue-gunned them all over your home, you can say, “Well, funny you should ask! See I’m trying to support my dear president in his efforts to corrupt elections…” And you’re off to the power-abuse races!
Offense Wins Games
Wow–we here at SYRW NEVER thought we’d use a sports-related quote in our writing. But it’s the Trump Era–anything is possible. And we’re growing and changing and evolving.
While Jennifer Rubin wrote in her aforementioned article that “the core mission of the GOP is to defend abusers,” we think it goes beyond that. Its core mission, in defending abusers, is to offend democracy. The Republican party wants to dismantle the republic, because nothing–NOTHING–is more important to them then power and money. So they’ll burn it all down to remain in charge of it, even if its a pile of ashes.
Also: See how to prepare an “eat crow” meal, if you’re ready to stop defending Trump.[
See ya’ next week, dear readers!
We at Spread Your Right Wings generally don’t like people, the Internet, or interacting with people on the Internet. Seek out someone—in person—to talk to and laugh with about this article. Check back with us as we continue to mock the right wing. Follow us on Twitter at @worstaltlife join our Facebook group, and follow us on Instagram at @worstaltlife. If you simply must get in touch with us, DM us through our Facebook group. Also, please, please see the disclaimer in our About section.
© 2018 Akbar Khan
