Many of us at SYRW are vegetarian or vegan, but we can still “eat crow.”/Image: Licensed Adobe stock, Steve Byland.
Gustatory Greetings, Tasty Traditionalists!
You’re probably thinking the idea of actually eating a black crow is something you would never do, right, Spread Your Right Wings (SYRW) readers? Well, apparently, figuratively eating crow, admitting we were wrong about President Donald Trump, and working to remove him from office is also not something we’re ready to do. We hear you, readers, we hear you. But despite being right-wingers too, we’re starting to get fed up with the Donald, and we were thinking if we showed how to make a crow-meat meal and ate it, then we could say, “We never thought we’d be able to eat a raven, maybe doing so would help us all see that we can do things that seem inconceivable to us. Of course, unlike speaking out against Donald, there are not too many benefits to eating a black jay.
We did it, readers, and now we’re going to guide you through the process.
Caw-Caw-Considerations
One thing that probably won’t be an issue for many of you readers but is for many of us here at SYRW is that all of us are concerned with responsible environmental stewardship, or are vegetarian, or follow a strict vegan diet. Hence, buying, cooking, and eating meat were going to be big hurdles for us to get over. However, to address the first concern, we found a cage-free farm that specializes in avian Mea Culpa meals, i.e, crow meat for consumption. For the second and third groups of SYRW food-consumers, we found artificial crow meat. It took some digging, but we did, unbelievably.
Related: Get the deets on some right-wing yoga poses!
Still, there were some on our team who simply would never be able to get behind eating meat unless it weren’t slaughtered for that or any other purpose, and usually not even in that case.. We kept our eyes peeled, then, for options. Wouldn’t ya’ know that within days we came across some road kill that fit the bill! Never thought we’d be so excited about a tire-flattened bird by the side of the road, but then again, we never thought we’d elect a president who attempted to deflect attention from an FBI probe using the suffering of families and friends of school shooting victims. Ya’ just never know where life’ll take ya’, we suppose.
Probably most unbelievably, we actually found a website with one simple Google search dedicated to gutting a crow, preparing the meat, and yes, dear readers, crow recipes! Those are made available by the good–er, we guess–folks at Crow Busters.
There’s No Accounting for Taste
And that includes what people find entertaining! Apparently, the nursery rhyme “Six a Song of Sixpence,” with its reference to “four and twenty blackbirds baked in a pie,” may have originated from the practice in Medieval times of placing live birds in a pie. The “entertaining part” allegedly came when someone cut into the pie and the birds flew out. We have so very many questions, but it’s time to get back to the matter at hand: eating crow.
Gordon Krause, the founder of Crow Busters, lists this recipe for Summer Crow Kabobs on his website. We thank him, and we insert our own snide Alt-commentary into it for the purposes of this post. Hey, we’re advising you an metaphorical eating, if you will, so there’s no playbook, right? Also, if you’re really ready to eat crow and throw in the towel on Trump, we may not get many more chances to be snide about this matter! Krouse writes of what you’ll need to make your stomach-turning patties:
Ingredients
16 pieces of crow breast meat (no bones) (8 crows)–while you’re “collecting,” i.e., shooting, these birds, you might try crowing about all the ways Obama and Hillary are to blame for things that are clearly Trump’s fault.
16 pieces of green pepper–you know, ‘green,” as in inexperienced, like Trump and politics, which we thought was going to be a good thing, but is proving to be an utter disaster.
16 cherry tomatoes–that is, if you can spare 16 of these from the pile that you intended to take to throw at protesters at an anti-gun rally.
8 button mushrooms–right, buttons like the ones Trump must be having increasing difficulty fastening as he packs on the pounds from stress-eating McDonald’s to cope with a job he wasn’t ready to take.
8 ears of sweet corn–yes, “ears,” but not like one of the body parts you have to cover up to avoid being aware of all the reasons Trump is unfit for office.
1 1/2 cups of Teriyaki sauce–Teriyaki sauce, as in what comes with Chinese food, which is fare from a country Trump railed about the U.S. losing business to all the time, while his son-in-law was begging them to bail out his.
1/2 cup melted butter–melted like huge chunks of the Polar ice caps on account of the global warming Trump’s EPA director Scott Pruitt continues go deny and hasten the damage from.
8 kabob skewers–as in the nominal (noun) form of the verb “skewer,” which is what Congressmembers do multiple times a day in private to Trump because he’s a horrific leader.
And: Give yourself a Do-Me-Donald makeover to get your p—y in good, grabbing condition.
Next Krause says to do the following. It’s pretty much what you’d do to other meat, and we’ve already made a lot of snarky statements, so we’ll refrain.
Preparation
Cut each piece of crow in half and place in a covered bowl with the Teriyaki sauce overnight. Clean and cut each ear of corn into 3 pieces. Cook in boiling salt water for 10 minutes. Alternately put corn (3 pieces), green peppers (3 pieces) and cherry tomatoes (3) along with 4 pieces of crow meat on each skewer. Use 1 mushroom to top each skewer. Brush with melted butter and place on preheated grill for about 4 minutes. Flip, butter again and place back on the grill for another 4 minutes. Repeat one last time for a total of 12 minutes or until they appear done. Serves four adults.
Savor the Succulence…or Lack Thereof
Yes, readers, pull up a chair, tie on a napkin, and get out your barf bags, just in case. It’s time to eat crow and admit we were wrong, or at least eat crow as a precursor to admitting we were wrong.
Ok, get a hunk of that delicious bird meat on your fork. Now lift it up to your mouth. Remember, your about to chew on a creature that spent its days pecking at deer street pizzas and rotting trash. Ah, ah–just push those chunks back down into your tummy! Ok, on second thought, let’s do this fast: put that piece of crow kabob in your mouth and chew–chew like there’s no tomorrow!
See! Not so bad! If you can do that, it’s wholly conceivable that you could swallow–sorry for another eating metaphor–your pride, admit Trump was a horrible choice for president, and act to get him out of office!
Until next time, then, readers, Bon Appetit!
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© 2018 Akbar Khan
