Even the future isn’t off-limits to President Donald Trump./Image: Licensed Adobe stock, alexkich.
President Trump Saturday announced his own absolution from any wrongdoing in the Mueller investigation, citing his omnipotent ability to see into the future and the high ratings his predictions have gotten in the past. His statement was based partly on the Nunes Memo and it’s vague hinting at nonexistent anti-Trump bias at the FBI, but partly on the fact that he’s a full idiot.
“This memo totally vindicates ‘Trump’ in [the] probe,” the president wrote, oddly placing his own name in quotation marks. “But the Russian Witch Hunt goes on and on,” he said using his favorite one-way-street, information-manipulation tool, Twitter.
This memo totally vindicates “Trump” in probe. But the Russian Witch Hunt goes on and on. Their was no Collusion and there was no Obstruction (the word now used because, after one year of looking endlessly and finding NOTHING, collusion is dead). This is an American disgrace!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) February 3, 2018
Related: Read about Ivanka’s brilliant legal strategy to get herself and family out of trouble.
Friday, Trump’s democratic-norm-to-violate-for-the-day was the longstanding intelligence practice of keeping sensitive information classified, sources confidential, and methods under-wraps for reasons everyone except Trump himself understands, despite his future-forecasting ability. FBI officials, many appointed by Trump himself, expressed outrage at his throwing to the wolves people and procedures in pursuit of his own panicked self-protection as the vultures rightly circle around him in the Muller probe. That probe seeks to uncover any collusion by Trump and/or his campaign with the Russian government to place him in the highest political seat in the country and arguably the world, the U.S. presidency.
Trump, meanwhile, a sparkly bandana tied around his head and rings of brightly colored stones on his fingers, lifted open the pink flap of his carnival oracle tent, encouraging his followers to enter.
“Look into my crystal ball,” Trump said in a tone-deaf sing-song, his hands repeatedly encircling a crystal ball on a small table in front of him. His base’s eyes became wide, their pupils turning into spinning spirals, their jaws going slack.
“The economy will continue to do well,” Trump said, revealing a missing tooth as he cackled like an elderly necromancer.
And: 7 lessons in successfully lying to yourself about simply anything!
Rep. Devin Nunes (R-Ca.) and his staff wrote the memo Trump referenced in his tweet. Nunes assisted Trump’s transition team as they stepped into power in the federal government, who also heads the House Intelligence Committee conducting its own investigation into Trump’s actions during the 2016 presidential campaign and after, facilitating the Russian government’s alleged abetting of his campaign. The memo seeks to demonstrate a political motivation for the FBI’s wiretapping Carter Page, a Trump policy adviser.
Numerous, informed people have condemned the memo for its material inconsistencies, lack of context, and misrepresentations of fact.
“Talk is cheap; the work you do is what will endure,” FBI Director Christopher Wray said to his staff in an internal memo shared with media in the wake of the memo’s release, the Guardian reported. “We speak through our work. One case at a time. One decision at a time…Remember: keep calm and tackle hard.”
“By releasing this memo, the president of the United States is undermining the credibility of our intelligence community and serving a huge victory to Vladimir Putin, the Russian government, and many other intelligence services,” said Sen. Bill Nelson (D-Fl.) according to Politico.
In his carnival tent, Trump demanded money for his divination services. His dazed followers handed him various coins and bills from their pockets, caught off-guard.
“I don’t know–I’ve had a lot of funnel cake and cotton candy today,” said a tent-goer, Cass Ual as she and the others present straggled out.
Also: Make yourself a plate of crunchy goodness at the salad bar of truth!
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© 2018 Akbar Khan
