Now that the week is done, let’s have some Alt-fun!/Image: Licensed Adobe stock, vjom.
Hey, hey, hey Alt-fun lovers! TGITW–Thank Goodness it’s the weekend, right? And so we present to you the Spread Your Right Wings (SYRW) Funny Pages. Below, find activities and diversions that’ll help us all forget for a second that we voted a dinkus into office, and now democracy is about to go the way of the Dodo Bird.
Pour yourself a cup a’ joe and take a gander at this grab-bag of side-splitting, eyebrow-raising goodies!
Accidental Trump Admin-Member Limerick
“Someone who’s left the administration is Seb Gorka.
He’s currently vacationing in Spain–Mallorca.
You in the press never gave him a shot.
Made it seem he hated Muslims a lot.
But really, he too abstained from eating pork-a.”
–Mike Pence, cornered in the Capitol by reporters
Related: See how to whip up a batch of Grinning-Like-a-Fox-News-Nincompoop Kool-Aid.
Jocose and Jovial Jokes
Why did the Trump cross the Atlantic?
To alienate more foreign leaders–as long as they aren’t Russian–and take a victory lap for economic achievements spilling over from the Obama era!
What did Melania name her and Donald’s sex tape?
The Darkest Hour
How many Ivankas does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two: one to screw it in, and one to stand by, silently and with a vacant expression, being complicit.
Beyond Laughable Republican Legislator Quote of the Week
The thousands of texts @TGowdySC and I reviewed today revealed manifest bias among top FBI officials against @realDonaldTrump. The texts between Strzok and Page referenced a “secret society.”
— John Ratcliffe (@RepRatcliffe) January 23, 2018
Fantabulously Fun Trump Era Facts
Number of times the phrase “road kill atop his head” was used in the press before President Donald Trump took office: 0
Number of times the same phrase has been used since he took office: 24,564
And: Don McGahn was a no-show at Trump’s Down With Democracy Get-Down.
Number of times the Oxycontin pills taken daily by Steve Bannon and Kellyanne Conway could circle the globe: 3
Number of times Trump team officials have denied there’s been any collusion with Russia since taking office in January 2017: 964
Number of times it’s been a lie:: 964
The democratic institution most threatened by President Trump this week: The Department of Justice, with news of his attempt to have a crony fire Special Counsel Robert Mueller last June.
The democratic norm most threatened by President Trump this week: the president behaving as a skilled politician who brings leaders from both sides of the aisle together, averting a government shutdown.
Number of good things Betsy DeVoss has done for education since taking office: 0
Number of good things Ryan Zinke has done for national parks and monuments since taking office: 0
Number of Trump admin officials who got their jobs based on their fitness for the job rather than cronyism: 0
Also: See the 5 restaurants that have popped up in D.C. since Trump took office.
Completely Bizarre Trump Supporter Quote of the Week
“Donald Trump is ‘the most intelligent, powerful, courageous president we’ve had in years,'” Shardea, a 73-year-old Phoenix resident, as reported by the Toronto Star.
We at Spread Your Right Wings generally don’t like people, the Internet, or interacting with people on the Internet. Seek out someone—in person—to talk to and laugh with about this article. Check back with us as we continue to mock the right wing. Follow us on Twitter at @worstaltlife join our Facebook group, and follow us on Instagram at @worstaltlife. If you simply must get in touch with us, DM us through our Facebook group. Also, please, please see the disclaimer in our About section.
© 2018 Akbar Khan
