Shut down your boredom during the government shutdown with some Mad Libz just for the Trump Supporter!/Licensed Adobe stock, Chris Tize Imaging.
Hey, Alt-fun lovers and Spread Your Right Wings, (SYRW) readers! The government shutdown isn’t all bad news. If you’re a Negative Nellie you could see it as evidence of the ineptitude of your government or the sign of a president who’d rather be in Bedminster than D.C. and make by being an obstructionist. But be a Positive Pollyanna instead! See it as a chance for some fun, fun, fun though as a nation we’re done, done, done! Also, um…no going to work Monday–hello! We have a real treat for you in Fun this week, SYRW readers! Mad Libz (spelled this way for copyright reasons) just for the Trump supporter. Your fill-in-the-blank choices will be not with parts of speech, but with the choose-em-like-pizza-toppings notions of “reality” we need to keep selecting from in order to continue supporting His Donaldness. Let’s get started!
You can’t just have any word choice that would make semantic and syntactic sense where indicated. That would leave the option of the truth, and we can’t have that muddying our life experience, now, can we? So, circle the option that best suits your situation!
Trump-Support: the Basics
Hi, I’m a Trump supporter! I originally got behind Trump because I [liked his brash style; wanted someone to “shake things up;” thought a
businessman would be a good person to run the country, for some reason]. I also overlooked or explained away the immoral things he did
as [locker-room talk that I kind of liked anyway; sticking it to those oversensitive liberals, so there; not to be taken literally; just plain good,
actually]. This was made easier by the fact that President Donald Trump and his acolytes used a confluence of the ease and speed of
“information”-sharing enabled by the Internet, the downfall of cultural gatekeepers brought about by the throw-up-a-website-in-minutes
aspect of the Web, my anger at political elites, and my feeling of cultural alienation, to introduce me to the idea of complete and total
distrust of cultural institutions, beginning with the media and now infecting [Deep/Nanny State organization/s you find irksome]. The only
place I trust for “news,” then, is [social media platform you favor for “news”-getting] or [right-wing propaganda arm you prefer]. If something
good happens, it’s [Trump’s doing]. If something bad happens, it’s [Obama, Hillary, or Obillary’s’] fault. When confronted with the daily horror
committed by President Trump, I think: [that’s Fake News; he didn’t mean it the way the liberal media is portraying it; so-and-so did way
worse]. There’s no such thing as truth, after all, there’s just [what I want to believe because it helps me not have to admit I’m wrong, which
would hurt my ego; what Fox News tells me to think; what members of my tribe think].
The Mueller Probe
Robert Mueller is [ethically compromised, liberal, a servant of the Deep/Nanny state], and I need only a cleverly-embellished smidgen of a
factoid by [right-wing media screaming banshee] on [Infotainment Republican news arm] to believe this. The Trump campaign, meanwhile,
can all-but-admit they colluded with The Kremlin to get him elected, and it’s [Fake News, a witch hunt, spin of liberal media organizations].
After all, there is no such thing as truth. If the sharpest minds in legal investigation find something out about Trump, his family, his campaign
staff, or his administration that should set off red flags in the mind of anything thinking person, I come back with the non-sequitur that
[Hillary, Obama, Bill Clinton] did [something I perceive as negative]. When Trump and his team are forced to admit that they colluded with
Russian nationals connected to Vladimir Putin’s sham government to give a bunch of innocuous emails by Hillary Clinton to the serial-killer-
in-another-lifetime Julian Assange to dump on his website to cause a pre-election uproar, I’ll continue to stand by Trump and his merry
band of morons by saying to myself, “[something based in mental contortionist routine that would make a yogi proud, gymanstic move of
my intellect that would make Simone Biles get a Silver medal].
My Cultural Alienation
Once upon a time, I would stretch and yawn and smile as I blinked awake each morning, looking out the window an thinking, “The world is my
oyster, and if I can dream it and work hard, anything is possible.” Then technological advances made human employees unnecessary in my
industry, and I felt [negative emotion], but like a good little egotist, I expressed it as rage at [immigrants, Democrats and the taxes they put in
place picking my pocket to help the lazy, Muslims, LGBT folks]. I began to display evidence of hypervigilance as an understandable symptom
of psychological damage after [name of terrorist incident] and [name of mass shooting]. Instead of understanding the super-simple fact
that a combination of the ravages of the techno-industrial-merchant-class complex and guns/explosives were to blame, I blamed Islamists
and too-strict gun laws that prevented me from getting more firearms to protect myself. The PT Barnum (but not as talented) of politics,
Donald Trump, came along and appealed to my [basic impulse] and I felt happy that the Mommy I didn’t want controlling me, Hillary, would
be put in, or rather out of, her place by the tall, white, comforting-in-his blowsy-appearance Daddy I knew was going to save me. Phew! That
was a long day of [bizarre thought process]. I’m going to pull up the covers and drift off to a deep sleep where [realityof contemporary life,
Late Capitalism, the Global Village] simply don’t exist. ‘Night, night!
Furloughs as Far as the Eye Can See? No Problem!
So much for the Shutdown-based ennui and restlessness you were worried about! It’s probably now been, like, an hour. See–being a Very Stable Genius, like Mensa-reject Trump, can be oodles of fun!
Until next buckets-of-glee time, SYRW readers!
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© 2018 Akbar Khan
