The adult film industry is the perfect place for a young girl in the Trump era–find out why./Image Credit: Licensed Adobe stock, Paulista.
We on the right wing, of course, think all woman should spend their lives grooming themselves to have their pussies grabbed, but now, with the entry of a one Ms. Stormy Daniels into the story of President Donald Trump we at Spread Your Right Wings (SYRW) and our Advice columnist, Dr. Kayleigh MacEnnaKnee, feel adult film is a wonderful place for a young woman to spend her life. You never know what great things it could lead to!
Dear Dr. MacEnnaKnee,
I’m a single mother of a young woman. She just turned 18. She says she wants to go into the adult film industry. How should I approach this as a hard-right conservative Mommy? My religion tells me it’s wrong for a woman to do something like this, but I’m open to Alt-advice on this topic, which is why I’m writing to you. Guidance, please.
Ambivalent in Anchorage
Dear Ambivalent,
How funny that your daughter should pick now to express her desire to be in X-rated film, It can be uncomfortable to think of your daughter in this industry–I understand. But it could have a future, a dark, sad, even slightly scary one. That future could involve right-wing men in high places. And that’s bright, happy, and exciting! Let me explain.
This week brought news that a lawyer in the employ of our hero, idol, and really, or Alt-prophet, President Donald Trump, paid adult film star, Stormy Daniels, $130,000 and forced her to sign one of his oft-used non-disclosure agreements to ensure she stay silent about a “sexual encounter” between the top of them, according to several Fake-News-unless-we-want-to-believe-them-and-in-this-case-we-do publications, such as The Hill.
Silver Porn Linings
If your daughter goes into porn, she could one day be lucky enough to have “an encounter” with a right-wing horndog like The Donald and then, essentially, be paid over 100 K for it! Sure might make her feel cheap and used, and who knows what kind of coercive measures or sick President and his teams of depraved legal minds used to get Daniels to sign the NDA–threats? intimidating? extortion?
Daniels, and by extension, potentially your daughter, got a lot out of this so-called “scandal.” She got to sleep with the president, who chose not to have an affair with just anybody, but a woman who embodies and represents onscreen an exaggerated and unrealistic instantiation of womanhood that reduces us to nothing but giant breasts and Brazilian-waxed vaginas. Then she got a pay-out, and it wasn’t exactly chump change! Imagine how much that did for her self-worth and her checking account. She has publicly denied an affair with Trump, as any appropriately obedient woman would. She almost dished about it all to The Daily Beast, but backed out just days before the 2016 election. Good thing, or the liberal moralists with their hamhanded holier-than-thou ways, would have used it to sink Trump!
Quite a Resume
Also, Ms. Daniels had and will likely thanks to this scandal continue to have an impressive career in the adult-film industry. It’s a Mecca for women with lots going for them, think they’re worthy, and who don’t abuse drugs to get through, long, upsetting-on-many-levels film shots! Some of her most popular titles include, “Dirty Deeds,” “Screw You,” and “Sexbots: Programmed for Pleasure.”
Daniels has also branched out into directing adult films.
And, most important for you to know in terms of a potential career for your daughter in this industry for healthy, happy women, Daniels set up an exploratory campaign, urged on by fans, to run against Republican David Vittier in Louisiana in 2010. But she did it as a Republican herself! And as long as they end up right-wing,, does it really matter how our kids get there?
At the End of the Adult Film Journey
Daniels’ path and that of your daughter may be one less taken, but as long as one of its final destinations is Conservative-ville, I don’t see the problem with it! I say buy her a bag of coke and send her off on her first audition in Los Angeles. Then, sit back and wait for the magic to happen. Just make sure she knows that if she turns liberal, turns her back on the Alt-dream of creating a divided, poorer, unhealthier, less inclusive society, she’s dead to you. Easy peasy!
Don’t forget this: with Daniels’ look, she’s a likely choice for Fox News’ commentator, or even anchor. Big, blond hair, big, spray-tanned breasts, and a big, conservative mouth, we can only assume!
I hope that reading my advice to you has take you from Nervous Nellie to Confident Conservative Cathy!
Write to Me!
Until next then my hardline conservative SYRW readers? Ifr you have anything at all troubling your Alt-mind, please get in touchl. I’m here to show you that there’s always a solution to every conservative conundrum.
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© 2018 Akbar Khan
