Trump dashes off multiple Pulitzer-Prize-worthy tomes per day–on Twitter!/Image Credit: Licensed Dreamstime stock, Kaspars Grinvalds.
This week, in Readings, dear Spread Your Right Wings (SYRW) readers, we’re going to review some of the latest literary gems pounded out on President Donald Trump’s cell phone keyboard into his Twitter app by said wordsmith.
In doing so, we hope to bring home the point that just as the only person we need to lead us is The Donald, the only person we need look to for intellectual stimulation in the form “reading” is The Donald. Agent Orange is erudite, sensitive of mind, and has an unmatched skill with language. His Tweeter feed is evidence of all of this!
Also, keep in mind, President Trump has boasted that he never reads–anything–so clearly we on the Alt end of the political spectrum should do the same.
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Anything But a Quack!
Now, given Donald’s name, many who deride him as a self-pitying, ill-informed, rage-filled moron may be tempted to lob at him a host of duck-related insults, given the famous waterfowl who shares his name. Of course, Donald Duck is cute, charming, funny, and clearly intended to appeal to children. Meanwhile, THE Donald is physically heinous, repellent of personality and “soul,” and inexplicably viewed by millions of adults as a valid leader for the U. S. of A.
DJT recently tweeted this about why he does us the favor of polluting the Internet and our minds with his nonsensical screeds on Twitter, often several times a day.
I use Social Media not because I like to, but because it is the only way to fight a VERY dishonest and unfair “press,” now often referred to as Fake News Media. Phony and non-existent “sources” are being used more often than ever. Many stories & reports a pure fiction!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) December 30, 2017
Someone hand us a tissue. The struggle is real, as the Millenials like to say. The struggle is very real. As always, thank you to our leader for the all-caps to bring his message home. And yes, the “press” is totally Fake News–except, of course, those members of it that agree with and kiss the derriere of Trump. Encouraging his followers to believe not the press, but only him and his media mouthpieces, is part of what makes this “man” a great person and a great leader.
Also: How to make your lips a sexy mouthpiece for the GOP tax scam!
Nevermind the fact that journalists depend on anonymous sources to get vital information that those sources wouldn’t or couldn’t otherwise share with them and anyone with a high school education understands that. Just you never mind that, SYRW readers. Like Trump, just keep Fox News playing on your TV, filled as it is with authentic journalists and non-phony sources. Also, proudly shun the written word, forgetting that all the collected facts, wisdom, and ideas of the human race are found therein.
“In books lies the soul of the universe entire,” said Thomas Carlyle. Good thing we hard-right-wing-ers and Trump don’t have souls, otherwise, we might actually have to pick up a book and learn something! Instead, we need simply to look to the place where everyone goes when they can’t get their pedestrian, even vacuous, thoughts looked at by a book publisher or some other form of an editor–the Internet, and more specifically, Twitter!
Writer Andrew Keen, in his book, The Cult of the Amateur, lamented the devaluing of cultural gatekeepers in the form of editors, vetters, and learned minds that’s come with the everyone’s-an-author aspect of the Internet. His book was published by Doubleday, well before we got our Cult of the Amatuer-leader, President Trump, however. How could he have known in 2007 what proud heights awaited the free-for-all–though hopefully less with Trump’s pick for FCC chair, Ajit Pai–“information” superhighway when Trump ascended to power!
Being President = Being a TV Star
While the Fake News loves to talk about my so-called low approval rating, @foxandfriends just showed that my rating on Dec. 28, 2017, was approximately the same as President Obama on Dec. 28, 2009, which was 47%…and this despite massive negative Trump coverage & Russia hoax!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) December 29, 2017
Again, DJT highlights his own brain-power and intellectual integrity by reminding us that those media outlets that criticize him are fake, while those that agree with him, spout his lies, and stroke his boundless ego, are valid, even tagging the head of the Real News Empire, Fox and Friends in this online missive.
Then, His Lowness reminds us that what we are witnessing on a daily basis is not the highest office in the land being used to benefit one person, a daily destruction of democratic institutions that took hundreds of years to establish and refine, and repeated support for corporations so that they may further line their coffers at the people’s expense by a dismantling of the regulatory state. No, dear readers, we’re not seeing that. What we’re seeing is a fun, dramatic reality TV show, which is why Donald “Smartypants” Trump references his ratings. He could simply say “47% of America,” he could talk about his “numbers,” he could do the dignified thing and shut up about himself. But no, he repeatedly mentions a rating or ratings in his online communiques to remind us that his job is nothing more than getting people to like him-not what he does–and “tune in.” Well, hand us the remote so we can watch, watch, watch!
See Ya, Scrooge!
People are proud to be saying Merry Christmas again. I am proud to have led the charge against the assault of our cherished and beautiful phrase. MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) December 25, 2017
Did you ever notice a reduction in the number of people who tell you to have a Merry Christmas or ask you what you got for the Christmas, never bothering to ask if you celebrate the holiday, dear readers? Our hearts go out to you, if so! Women have to deal with being raped by work colleagues, Muslims have to worry they’ll be targeted for hate crimes, and the poor continue to have the social safety net many of them depend on ripped to shreds, but the fact that official government entities can’t say, “Merry Christmas,” is the real tragedy, the one worth mentioning in speeches and Tweeting about.
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Also, it should have been “assault on,” not “assault of.” In fact, “assault of” means the phrase is, in fact, an assault by.
Epilogue
We hope this has been a wonderful read for you, SYRW readers, though we apologize you had to use your brains for something besides self-serve at the Fox and Friends aisle.
And in closing, we remind you of perhaps Donald J. Trump’s most well-written, pithy, and winning Tweet-book of all: “Covfefe!’
We at Spread Your Right Wings generally don’t like people, the Internet, or interacting with people on the Internet. Seek out someone—in person—to talk to and laugh with about this article. Check back with us as we continue to mock the right wing. Follow us on Twitter at @worstaltlife join our Facebook group, and follow us on Instagram at @worstaltlife. If you simply must get in touch with us, DM us through our Facebook group. Also, please, please see the disclaimer in our About section.
© 2018 Akbar Khan
