What do you see in this picture, readers? These hands frame the left side of the image with a sort-of-“C,” for “conspiracy,” and also an “L” for “left-wing,'” Image credit: Licensed Adobe Stock, Andy Dean.
Hello, Right-Wing Nut Jobs and interior design aficionados! It feels like it’s been forever my last post on design topics of concern to the conservative community, but it’s only been about a week! But why talk about time–it’s too hard to attach a conspiracy to, and what good is a topic if it’s not convenient evidence of how the left is trying to poison our minds, lives, children–and homes!
Now, do you find one popular alt-conspiracy more appealing than others, Spread Your Right Wings (SYRW) readers? Pizzagate? Sandy Hook denial? Agenda 21? No, no, no! You must get on board with as many as possible, SYRW-ites! They’re all part of one overarching conspiracy, after all. And this week, I’m going to fill you in on how the left is using interior design to control your minds. But don’t think we’re saying you shouldn’t enjoy these beautiful home accents anyway!
It’s fine to accept that the fashionable flavors in interior design for the year ahead are still wonderful choices for your home, despite their birth in the minds of left-wing crazies. All the trends you’ll read about below are evidence of the subtle mind control the left is engaging in with fun, flirty stylings for the indoors.
Lavender/Lavender Mafia
Lavender is the color of homosexuals, as selected by their leaders and detailed in the Gay Agenda, and that’s not us reading into anything. The Gays openly admit this, according to The Queerstory Files. The LGBTQ community has even gone as far as to call the cadre of powerful, rich gays in Hollywood and elsewhere “The Lavender Mafia.” They’ll fit you with cement Celine pumps you’ll be wearing at the bottom of the nearest harbor, if you don’t let them convert your children to homo-dom.
Next, Design website House Beautiful (House Flamboyant is more like it) declared lavender one of the hottest choices by interior designers’ for textiles to cover your home in next year. Well, it is pleasing to the eye and soothing to the mind. But forget all that! First and foremost it’s a way hypnotize us without ever saying a word or seductively swinging a pocket watch in front of our eyes.
Yeah, okay, Gay Agenda. We know what you’re trying to do, and now, so do our readers! There’s a fine line between a mauve pillow sham and weeping all the way to your son’s gay wedding, which you told him you accept because you love him, all of him! Nice try!
Black Fixtures Power
Apparently, godless liberals are trying to sell the red-blooded American family on something besides all-white kitchens, which have been a staple in our homeland for decades. Need we go any further? The first step in this poisoning of the white-picket-fence (Mike Pence?) dream is black fixtures, as detailed by realtor.com.
Can’t you just hear the girl at the Ethan Allen Showroom now?: “Oh, yes, black fixtures are very popular for this coming year. Because BLACK LIVES MATTER!”
Nevermind that black fixtures, as you’ll see by following the above link, do look pretty nice. So if you feel you must get some, don’t say we didn’t simultaneously warn and encourage you with our come-hither-stand-back conspiracy theory yammering.
Also: Why spray tans are necessary for all card-carrying conservatives.
Fringed Pendants, Fringe Communities
This admittedly cute idea, as outlined on mydomaine.com is just another truly depraved way to get to us, conservative community members.
Sure it looks pretty fab to have a light fixture with playful fringe on its borders. However, once you accept fringe in your home decor, it’s a slippery slope all the way to accepting fringe-communities–black, gay, Hispanic, and on and on.
Don’t do it. Well, okay, Â do it, because it looks totes adorbs. So maybe just one fixture…
Deep Blue In a Majority-Red Nation
The design site Interior Zine says a rich, blue will be all the rage in wall paints next year. Gee-what a coincidence! That’s the color synonymous with the Liberal Agenda.
Sure, now it’s wall paint–and it does look pretty cute–but tomorrow it’s the state of Texas bathed in sapphire on an interactive map on CNN come election night 2020!
You’re not fooling anyone, Commie Conspiracy!
And: Did you know Ty Cobb left behind an exciting life doing this to defend Trump full-time?Â
Thanks to us, you are now clued in and don’t have to buy into this nonsense. But you kind of do, we can’t deny, because it looks darn good!
Recycled Materials to Help the Earth That’s Doing Just Fine
SYRW has written several posts in various sections about how purchasing of new, new, new consumer goods is the way to go. Anything less would be tantamount to acknowledging that climate change is real and the human species needs to cut back on pollution, starting with the use of repurposed materials instead of ravaging the Earth for raw materials to make those new, new, new goods.
Is it any wonder, then, that Lush Home says recycled materials for use in home stylings is a hip, happening design direction in 2018? Really, liberal intelligentsia? Can’t you try just a little harder than that to make it seem like you’re not trying to control us? And can’t you make it a little less gorgeous and desirable? You’re not going to make this easy for us, are you?
Take a Deep-State Breath
We’re not going to pretend that this probably hasn’t been a lot to throw at you at once, SYRW readers. But is there really any good way to tell you that your home is probably already filled with Hillary-and-Obama-inspired stuff and that it likely looks cute as all get out, and it’s likely only going to get more so filled? No, there probably isn’t any good way to do that. We have no solutions for you, as is usually the case with conspiracy theories. They’re inherently disempowering. They, and we at SYRW in this post, do, however, provide you with the opportunity to feel like you know something everyone else doesn’t. And now you know five things everyone doesn’t! Cute design choices, no less! You’re welcome.
Until next time, go out and live life to the Alt-fullest in your personal castle.
Before You Go: See what President Donald Trump said is to blame for the monster hurricanes of late.
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© 2017 Akbar Khan
