This woman is, as you should, spreading her right wings!/Image: Licensed Adobe Stock, EpicStockMedia.
Hey, there all Alt-right-ers! We doubt it’ll surprise you to know that six Alt-personalities who’ve inserted themselves into the national conversation–thank god, because we love them!–are a model for all-around salutary living. We’re going to delve into the basics of wellness–applied wellness, that is–using them as examples. We want to help you answer this question: how can I live a “well” life? Funny you should ask!
A Hexad of Health
The National Wellness Institute (NWI) has constructed a six-point model of how to live, to actualize, the ideas behind the concept of wellness, which can seem rather nebulous and overwhelming when thought about in the abstract.
In fact, even with their well-summarized and well-expressed model, we thought a specific example would help you, our hard-line conservative readers.
And even after that, we thought particular examples of each person’s behavior would help you think about what actions you can take in your own lives to be a well–and by that we mean Alt-Well–person!
Related: See what Sexy Steve Bannon said about his daily skincare regimen!
Numero Uno: Donald, Do You Say?
Yes, that’s Spanish: a language The Donald noted is a language spoken by illegal immigrant rapists! What a great guy. *swoon* Sorry, Spread Your Right Wings readers, we got carried away, as one does when thinking about how much one loves one’s idols.
The first part of wellness the NWI identifies is how you play a part in your “environment and community,” including where you live and the people you’re connected to.
Oh, dear Alt-readers, there is so very much Dear Donald has done in this regard!
Let’s just sum it by all Donald thinks about is his inner-environment, and by that, we mean ego, in the most childish way possible, and his relationship to himself.
Example: In order to prop up his ego, desperate as it is for succor and sustenance, by way of feeling worshipped and important, he’s validated and legitimized the extreme, extreme right wing, a motley crew of very damaged people taking their tedious personal problems out on society through their awful political views. Those people then validate, emulate, express gratitude to, and offer support to him–The Donald.
Number Two: Kellyanne Conway, We Say!
The second aspect of wellness the NWI identifies is how your job, or let’s say daily occupation/s add to your life. Who better to highlight how to bring your day-to-day gift to the world down to the lowest common denominator, thereby killing your soul, than one Ms. Kellyanne Conway.
She was a pollster, but how was she to earn more to help support her family–get a job at McDonald’s? Never! No, dear, sweet Conway became the mouthpiece for a man she herself once publicly opposed, instead! One who is arguably the least-evolved, even under-developed human being on Earth who’s ruining all our lives every day.
If that’s not simultaneously killing your soul and setting a horrible example for your children by your choice of job, we don’t know what is.
Don’t Miss: Need a brief climate change denail how-to manual? Click here!
Number Three: Sebastian Gorka
The third part of a wellness-positive lifestyle is one’s ethical and moral framework, which includes a world-view. Though “world-view” means one’s entire outlook on life, when we at SYRW read this, we thought of the actual state of the world and one’s place in it, which of course informs one’s world-view.
Sebastian Gorka has essentially devoted his life to vilifying Muslims and immigrants to the U.S. We know you agree with us that that’s a pretty awesome way to manifest one’s horrific view of life and the world.
Number Four: Steve Bannon
The fourth part of overall wellness is taking care of yourself physically.
No one personifies a complete failure in this area better than Steven K. Bannon. He’s carrying a lot of extra weight in his center, and there are all kinds of bizarre things happening on his dermis. The latter is, health professionals will tell you, always a good place to look to get a quick read on someone’s overall physical health.
And, we say, poor character will show through on your skin.
Go to a nutritionist and dermatologist, Steve. In the meantime, we’ll continue to look at your outer being as a model of utter moral bankruptcy and physical decrepitude.
Number Five: Mike Pence
Fifth in line for how to be a well person is self-determination, how you conduct yourself in a conscious way and how that contributes to your self-image.
Pence tells gay people they are bad and to partake in reparative conversion therapy to “fix” themselves, all while deluding himself into thinking he’s doing some kind of spiritual favor to us. This is a great way to feel A-plus about how you spend your time and hurt others and damage the world to an almost unimaginable extent at the same time.
Number Six: Jeff Sessions
Last, but very definitely not least, in the six-point model of wellness constructed by the NWI is how inventive, inspired cognitive activities and tasks and sharing your unique gift with the world fit into your life.
Sessions has taken an innate mental facility and skill and used it to advance a nightmare, right-wing agenda, “sharing” that with us all through a retrograde political philosophy, which he unleashes on society in an unparalleled way as Attorney General, the highest law enforcement post in all the land.
Must-Read: Omarosa said this upon her dismissal from the WH!
Until Next Time!
Well, Alt-readers–excuse the pun there–go out and be truly awful, conservative people, until the next article in our weekly Wellness column.
See ya’ then!
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