The tax reform scam is on everybody’s lips–including your dishonest, well-painted ones./Image: Licensed Adobe Stock, Ihar Valashyn.
Your Lyin’ Lips
The Eagles sang about lyin’ eyes in their classic song, “Lyin’ Eyes.” But we in the Spread Your Right Wings (SYRW) Beauty department want to go over making your lips look as alluring as possible while you do the mendacious footwork for our dear, Republican congresspeople, selling this fabulous reverse-Robin Hood bill to anyone who’ll listen! BS is more easily accepted coming from hot ladies with seductive pouts.
We thank Bloomberg for their very accessible analysis of the GOP tax bill!
Liner, Liner, Pants on Fire
What’s your favorite shade of lipstick, Alt-girls? Whatever it is, line your lips with a pencil one shade darker. This provides a nice, even boundary to the mouth, preventing the color from bleeding and smearing around it.
Make sure, you recognize no boundaries,, however, in the fibs you’re willing to tell when trying to convince others this tax bill is a good idea for anyone besides corporations.
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Two Colors, Not One
It may seem more involved than you want to get to wear two shades of lipstick, but when you see how good it looks, you’ll get on board. Put a slightly lighter shade of your favorite lip color toward the center of your mouth, on the top and bottom lips, and then inside that fill in with the one you normally go far. This creates the illusion of fuller lips.
You’ll need to be well-versed in illusory tactics to convince people that repealing the penalty for not abiding by the Obamacare Mandate is good, despite the fact that it would help establish an overall healthy society, lowering health care costs for everyone.
Blot, Reapply, Taken to the Next Level
After your lipliner, then lighter shade in the center of the mouth, and a, darker on the outer margins of your pucker, blot some loose powder all over the lip and start the whole process over. Repeat as desired.
It’s a little more time-consuming than just dragging one color over your lips, but it’s worth it. Why? Because it makes your color so much longer-wearing, which you’ll need it to be as you spout all the tax jargon you can possibly think up to confuse and bore people, so they fail to realize only big business truly benefits from this awesome bill.
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Gloss Over the Details
The shinier your lips, the better, SYRW readers. So use your favorite lip gloss–in a tub, applied with a finger–with beautifully reckless abandon all over your pout. This helps light reflect off your lips, giving the impression they’re fuller than they are.
A shiny lip will also get people to focus on the shimmer of your mouth-area, rather than the statements coming out of it, such as that the corporate tax rate will go down if this bill passes, from 35 to 21 percent. Whoever you’re talking to will be so enthralled with your kisser, he or she won’t have the wherewithal to wonder where his/her rate cut of this percentage is.
Keep the Lipstick Off Your Teeth!
When are women going to get the importance of this, we ask you, SYRW readers? Maybe with this fab tip, they’ll realize how easy it is to prevent. The last step in your lip color routine should be to make an O-shape with your mouth, put your index finger inside it, and pull it out in a quick motion.
Must-Read: Steve Bannon’s very own skincare tips!
A lack of lipstick on your teeth will make you look more put-together and thus like you know what you’re talking about when you tell people it’s in their best interests to support a bill that caps individual state and local deductions at $10,000, while previously they could deduct all their state and local taxes.
Good Luck Alt-Hotties!
We sure hope this lip tutorial provides you reactionary readers out there with a basic plan for making your lips oh-so-ooh-la-la. You’ll need something to be excited about as corporations get a break and you pay the price. Unless you’re in the one percent, which we assume many of you are, given that you’re smart enough to be devotees of SYRW. See you next week, lovelies!
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© 2017 Akbar Khan
