Totes appropriate workplace behavior./Image credit: Licensed Dreamstime stock.
Hello, readers! Today let’s talk about an issue that’s all over the news lately: sexual harassment and how it supposedly targets and harms women.
A good place to begin is to remember what the brilliant Fox News analyst Mercedes Colwin, who recently appeared on feminist icon Sean Hannity’s incisive, intelligent talk show, said of victims of sexual harassment. They “are few and far between.,” she noted. She has zero expertise in the area she flapped her lovely gums in, like most Fox News “analysts,” so clearly this is all we need to know about the issue. The next day Colwin walked back on her comment, but I still think it’s pretty much the truth.
So what if the women speaking out and up in the #metoo movement are telling the truth and showing that every corner of every industry is crawling with men who see it as their right to “take” women sexually at the workplace and then leverage that taking to silence them lest they expose the predatory behavior the men engaged in! No big deal!
It’s also important to remember that women sexually harass men too–and they do! A lot! Tons! Like a lot, a lot! It never ends with these chicks preying on dudes at work! Ok, maybe it doesn’t happen that much. Now that I think about it, it’s pretty rare, particularly as compared to men harassing women. Ok, fine!,–So it’s happened once…maybe?
Anyway, today’s question is from Horrified in Honolulu.
Dear Dr. MacEnnaknee,
I work in a field known for its boy’s club, back-smacking, high-fiving, bro-favoring culture. In the past, I’ve told myself to just accept this and work hard, knowing merit is always rewarded in our culture. I’m not so sure anymore. My male boss–who I’m pretty sure has a thyroid condition, given the way his eyes bug out of his head, and whose stomach reaches you before the rest of him–has spent the last few weeks leering at me, intentionally brushing up against me, complimenting my legs and buttocks. Then a few days ago, he summoned me to his office, locked the door, and forcibly kissed me with his thin, chapped lips. When I recoiled and yelled, “What are you doing?” his response was that he couldn’t help himself because I looked so hot. He then told me to keep this between us, with the unsaid part being that there would be payback if I told.
I don’t want to be one of those whiny, liberal-types who makes a big stink, and I don’t want to always be known as the woman who causes trouble and interferes with the progress a company is making by dropping a bombshell like this. On the other hand–and do forgive me for this–I DO feel violated, unfairly treated, and powerless. How do I address this issue while remaining a proud conservative girl who believes in the idea that, in a meritocracy like ours, you simply do your best, and then you get rewarded fairly for it? After all, It’s as simple as that. No subtleties or complicating factors…isn’t it?
Horrified in Honolulu
Dear Horrified,
I’m sorry, but what’s the problem here? I can’t help you if you aren’t clear with me. You got the highest compliment you can get from a man! He thinks your gams and booty deserve a thumbs up–and he acted on it. A lot of single gals out there would love to be in your place and have a guy with a good job show romantic interest in them. I say just take the compliment, remove your clothing, and give him what he wants. Then get back to work!
If you play your cards right, this boss could be your fiancee eventually! Sadly, it seems all this liberal #metoo nonsense has gotten to you. Do you want to be another prissy complainer who ruins everyone’s fun, making it impossible for poor, oppressed men to make passes at women? How will we go on dates, find love, and partner up, if we don’t allow men to be totally inappropriate? They can’t help it, after all. It’s not very nice or ladylike to make a big stink, now is it? You should be grateful you even have this job, honestly.
And, after all, we don’t want to infringe on men’s rights to hit on anyone at any time in anyplace, right? A little-known amendment to the Constitution, the 69th. states, “Congress shall make no law infringing on the right of men to get frisky at all times and in all places, including the workplace, nor shall it make any law stifling their all-encompassing need to get busy in any location they chose and with any woman they choose.” So, if you’re a patriot who loves the Constitution, essentially, you’ll hush up and go about your business. This is bigger than you, Horrified!
Basically, get over it. Be quiet roll up your sleeves, and get back to work.
Take personal responsibility for this, and don’t be one of those bellyaching feminists-types who poops on every party. If you must be a prude, politely decline your bosses advances, and then both of you will move on, chalking it all up to one big misunderstanding, probably even looking back and laughing about it all one day.,
That’s the way I’m familiar with the world working, and it’s not fun for me to think that trying her best and simply “following the rules” won’t get a woman ahead in her career, okay? After all, if I had to think things are different than they are–worse, in this case–it would make me unconformable, and no one wants that! In my experience of the world, which must be everyone else’s, a mindset that is partly why I’m a proud conservative, if you feel violated–which I still maintain you shouldn’t–all you have to do is let the violator know how you feel, and all will be well. It can be no other way, in my mind. And I don’t appreciate you putting this dark cloud over my day, to be honest, Horrified! I mean, this is a situation where there are pat, cut-and-dry answers., and it must be that way for the sake of my cognitive well-being. I appreciate your cooperation.
Also, what were you wearing the day your boss kissed you? Did you give him any come-hither looks? Did you maybe want it to happen, even subconsciously? Let’s be honest, women send a lot of mixed signals, don’t we?
Write back and let us know how taking my totally not victim-blaming, not re-traumatizing, and woman-centric advice goes!
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