Arrange your living room according to the principles of the Chinese Feng Shui to–hello!–increase your prosperity./Licensed Adobe Stock, tab62.
First, Some Convenient Cognitive Dissonance Reduction
Let’s go over how to create a living room compliant with the principles of Feng Shui,.
First, though, excuse us, right wing readers, for stating the obvious: we don’t like anyone but those of European ancestry, preferably Northern and Western, except in the case of the Slavs of Russia, who we at Spread Your Right Wings are newly fans of because they got us the President we wanted. We know you share these sentiments, good readers.
However, our xenophobia doesn’t mean we can’t take advantage of the practices, philosophies, and innovations of other cultures as part of our self-involved project of personal fulfillment, one of the gifts of being in the 1%, which gives us lots of disposable income and time to think about the most important people in the world: us!
So, here as some tips on decorating your Alt-Right home according to the ancient Chinese art of Feng Shui, which seeks to increase prosperity and abundance–things we love for only ourselves–through the arrangement of one’s home. It’s quite an involved project, this Feng Shui, so we’ll cover it in installments in our Home Section. Here we guide you through the principles of setting up your living room, according to the wonderful website Your Chinese Astrology (YCA), whom we thank for their lovely post on this topic, which this article is based on. Even though they’re probably Chinese,
Now, the Basics
1 Illumination
Bathe your living room in light colors, sunlight and luminous upholstery, according to YCA, This will bring prosperity–some do-re-mi! And light equals right, in home decor as in skin color.
2 Make the Living Room Visible as Soon as One Enters the Home
“According to Feng Shui knowledge, if the living room is behind the bedroom or kitchen, your life will have no privacy, leading to digression and mistakes in work or business,” says YCA.
Well, that’s a no-brainer! We want only to have good things happen to us in work, as we are non-lazy people who pull ourselves up by the bootstraps and take “personal responsibility” for our own success. And then we achieve it: simple as that. Also, we of course want to succeed in business, as many of us are of the merchant class.
3 In the Center of the Home
Make sure your living room is in the center of the home, just like you and your right wing needs and wants are the center of the universe.
4 Rectangle or Square
A living room in one of these shapes increases wealth. Always good to have more money, the desire for which animates much of your thinking as it is.
5 Wealth Direction
“You should pay special attention to the wealth direction which is generally at the oblique 45 degree position facing the living room as soon as you enter into the door,” according to YCA. Again, money, money, money is what we want, right? Also, avoid the back of your sofa or couch facing the door to the living room, as this will result in “financial loss,” which is simply unacceptable to a true right-winger!
6 Um, No
Just no. Feng Shui prohibits the hanging of firearms on the wall. So, in this case, as we on the right wing are wont to do, we’ll appropriate from another culture to the point that it suits us, and then denigrate the parts that don’t.
We. Love. Firearms. And so do you, readers! We’ve already said in another post on the basics of right wing home decor, that you must place a gun prominently in your living room.
For more Feng Shui living room tips, please do visit our friends at Your Chinese Astrology, whom we grudgingly thank for their help.
We at Spread Your Right Wings generally don’t like people, the Internet, or interacting with people on the Internet. Seek out someone—in person—to talk and laugh with about this article. Check back with us as we continue to mock the right wing. Follow us on Twitter at @worstaltlife join our Facebook group, and follow us on Instagram at @worstaltlife. If you simply must get in touch with us, DM us through our Facebook group. Also, please, please see the disclaimer in our About section.
© 2017 Akbar Khan
