Trump and Putin at the recent Asia Summit/Image: Courtesy of BBC.
We have GOT to tell you something–but shhhhhh! You can’t tell anyone else! Lean in close! It’s about President Trump and Vladimir Putin!
Sexy Summit!
Okay, so as we all know the globalist conspiracy arranged a meeting called the Asia Summit the second week in November, now over, to brainstorm ways to make America less powerful and less great. They forced our dear Alt-President Trump to go.
He did, because he’d do anything for us, but we hear from White House sources he complained loudly and with the mouth of a sailor as he watched his aides pack his belongings and looked wistfully at pictures of the Bedminster golf course he wouldn’t be able to enjoy himself on while at this silly gathering. Very unfair!
The more delicious dish we have to share is what happened between him and a certain world leader when he got there. Prez Trump, as we affectionately call him here in the Gossip Department of Spread Your Right Wings, got to spend some QT with his main man and bromance partner, hunky Vladimir Putin while in Danang, Vietnam! Who could resist that oddly-shaped, shiny forehead, right?
Our sources spotted the two at a dinner leaning in so close their heads were practically touching! The translator could barely squeeze in between them to relay their messages back and forth. Putin told Trump he really meant it when he said Russia didn’t meddle in the 2016 U.S. Election. Trump replied, in a soft whisper, “I believe you, Vlad.”
Well, what more does one need to know for sure that someone didn’t commit a crime than for the alleged criminal to say he didn’t do it! After all, Ted Bundy, Scott Peterson, and Al Capone all maintained they didn’t do what they were accused of doing, too, and they were as innocent as the falsely accused come. Well, so much fo that whole Russia-Trump collusion thing!
Coitus Interruptus
What happened next at the summit is so juicy you better have a napkin nearby! Several of my conservative sources saw Putin reach out and gently stroke Prezzy Trump’s cheek, smile, and look deep into his eyes. They leaned in closer–and then a cater water approached and offered them some more Nem.
“I can’t quit you,” Prezzy Trump whispered, his eyes half-closed.
We hear Prezzy was beaming from ear-to-ear all night after his almost literally empty-but-devious-tete-a-tete with Putin. Why wouldn’t he be, when the liberal media lie that Russia interfered with the U.S election last year, specifically to get Prezzy elected, was finally debunked by none other than Trump’s BFF, Putin?
Like various serial killers, Ponzi schemers, and sexual offenders before him, Putin vehemently denied being involved in any nefarious activity when it came to Decision 2016. And Prezzy said Putin really “means it.” Sometimes life really IS that simple–like most political, economic, and social issues.
Until We Meet Again!
What will this white-hot chemistry, this electricity, lead to the next time the two meet? And there will be a next time, my fellow Chatty Republican Cathys! These two can’t be kept apart, it seems, as this wasn’t their only recent rendezvous, I hear. There have been and will be others that only yours truly and her Alt-sources will bring you the dish on! Stay tuned for that and lots more in my next column, my gun-toting lovelies!
And remember: I’m always on the Alt-Lookout for what’s really going on in the hardline conservative world…so we can gab about it!
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© 2017 Akbar Khan
