Javanka and others got wild playing a White House staff drinking game./Image: Licensed Adobe Stock.
We have some really juicy dirt for you this week, Spread Your Right Wings (SYRW) readers. But, shhhhhhh—it’s a secret!™ It’s about some prominent Trump staffers playing a White House drinking game!
Oh, Yes, I Have
So, our sources tell us things got very wild this past weekend in the White House, thanks to a drinking game invented by Don, Jr. based on one he played during his college partying days at Penn’s Wharton School of Business. You might know that game as Never Have I Ever, in which everyone sits in a circle, and the first person to go says, “Never have I ever [fill in the blank with something daring or noteworthy you haven’t done],” and all those who have done it must take a shot. Then another person makes a “Never have I ever” statement, and the people who’ve done it must drink, and so on and so forth. People get so wasted, so fast, Spread Your Right Wings (SYRW) readers, as I’m sure you know from your own hard-partying days at a mediocre college you got into when your dad made a donation to its endowment!
Fratty Fun
Don, Jr. had the clever idea to change the game to, “Never have I ever colluded with a hostile foreign power to get Donald Trump elected president by…”
Well, the booze went from plentiful to scarce as Mike Flynn, Carter Page, Michael Cohen, Jeff Sessions, and even lovely Ivanka threw back the shots saying things like, “Never have I ever colluded with a hostile foreign power to get Donald Trump elected president by failing to disclose contacts with the Kremlin…Never have I ever colluded with a hostile foreign power to get Donald Trump elected president by declining to tell the appropriate authorities that I was trying to open a channel of direct communication between Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin…Never have I ever colluded with a hostile foreign power to get Donald Trump elected president by lying over and over and over again, constantly changing my story, about contacts with the Russian government…Never have I ever colluded with a hostile foreign power to get Donald Trump elected president by sitting by as my hubby bumbled through an attempt to get my father elected president through not-even-thinly veiled attempts to ally with the Russians.”
Barfing and Passing Out
Let’s just say by the time they’d played the game long enough, the whole lot of our White House faves above were stumbling around and getting grabby with each other. Jeff Sessions, our sources tell us, was holding back Ivanka’s hair as she puked into a golden toilet that President Trump had installed in his private bathroom in the West Wing.
Jared Kushner’s loosened his ever-present black tie and passed out on the same sette Martha Washington posed for a portrait on, one leg hanging off. Why show any respect for the esteemed history of the White House when you’re rich, powerful, and give no effs?
Might as well party it up before they’re all in jail thanks to the liberal media and SO totally not because of their own actions, right SYRW readers? Oh, what fun this all is!
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© 2017 Akbar Khan
