Pack-’em-and-go meals./Image: Licensed Adobe stock, Linda Bestwick.
Gustatory Greetings, Tasty Traditionalists!
Revolving doors can be so stressful, right, Spread Your Right Wings (SYRW) readers? It’s like jumping into double-dutch–when should you do it? Will you be able to keep up with the rhythm once you do? We imagine this is how Trump Administration officials feel as Trump hands out pink slips faster than he switches policy positions. But those sad sacks and anyone else who has to worry about a door hitting them on the ass still has to eat as they’re tossed out on their ass from the most hurricane-like workplace since Hurricane Maria. We have some meal ideas for Trump-ers and others looking to keep their strength up in jobs that could cease to be jobs at any minute.
Don’t Take It Pie-ing Down
The first exit-related news we heard Tuesday was that President Donald Trump had fired Secretary of State Rex Tillerson, once again proving that Agent Orange will not reward your loyalty to him with loyalty to you.
“We were not really thinking the same, ” Trump said of the “logic” behind his firing of Tillerson, according to The Atlantic. We assume this means Tillerson was thinking at all, don’t you agree, readers? Even though we Alt-ers will support Trump until our-souls’-dying last breath, we know he’s a humongous dummy. We at SYRW think we can all agree on that.
For the meat and potatoes set, which we assume Tillerson is a member of, given he’s from cattle ranch country–Texas–we found these Beef and Guinness Hand Pies at Frugal Mom, Eh! They’re the perfect half-moon shape to wrap your mitts around as you stumble out the door in shame when the head honcho at work has no more use for you.
Related: Three Trump admin officials audition to design your home.
Assisting Your Subsisting
In high-stress jobs like being a personal assistant to Trump, one-dish meals that pack a well-rounded punch can be essential. You’re likely to be running around doing a million different things at once–either that or you need to be ready for going from employed to unemployed within minutes. In the case of John McEntee, personal assistant to the president for the past seven months your inability to secure your security clearance because of “problems related to online gambling and mishandling taxes,” as the Wall Street Journal put it led to that Rob-Porter-resembling fellow’s being escorted off the White House campus.
In such a case, Food Network recommends a meal like its Easy Chicken Pot Pie.
“With a golden, flaky crust and filling of tender chicken, peas and carrots, this deliciously classic casserole is a hearty, satisfying meal,” according to the aforementioned website.
Such yummy comfort food could make a humiliating firing go down a whole lot smoother, right, readers?
Be Prepared
So goes the motto of the Boy Scouts. And it’s advice that Veterans Affairs Secretary David Shulkin would be wise to take. The buzz about town in Washington, D.C. is that beleaguered Cabinet staffer will be the next to go from Team Trump. He’s being investigated for using a member of his own staff to run errands and carry furniture into his home. Then he got on Chief of Staf General John F. Kelly’s bad side by saying Kelly had told him it was OK to fire employees who weren’t loyal to him. All of this pathetic, confusing info comes to you via The Hill.
At least we found ol’ Shulkin this old classic via Peanut Blossom. It’s cereal. Yes, that’s right, “Cereal with a pour of milk and some orange wedges,” is the entire recipe. If you double it, it can be quite filling, and if you use the right cereal it’s fortified with all kinds of necessary nutrients that will likely drain out of you as you watch your replacement, Dumb-as-a-Brick Rick Perry, move into your office.
And: Have some fun with these right-wing optical illusions to blow your mind!
Hypervigilance Sustenance
To the remaining Trump cabinet, we recommend stocking their offices with some pantry essentials, so that they can throw a meal together uber-fast. Do this now, or, at the very latest, when Trump first starts dropping hints that your neck is on the line via Twitter. Bon Appetit culled this list of kitchen basics you need to have on hand “at all times.” We’re about to hop out the door and get these together ourselves, and we don’t even have as much job insecurity as Team Trump, or hopefully not too many of you readers out there.
Whatever victuals you choose to make your last supper at your current job should you be asked, there is one quality we recommend it have no matter what else. Make it easy to repeat, “When God closes a door, he opens a window,” like a mantra as you do the other walk of shame out to your car past the whispers and stares of the jerks you once worked with.
Another option would be not to take a job in the Trump Admin, or in other cases, at places with a well-known reputation for being run by a lunatic who has no idea what he’s doing. Outside of places covered by every media outlet on the planet, like Trump’s administration, this may not be so easy. Those who continue to take jobs at 1600 Pennsylvania while Don Job is still there for whatever masochistic or opportunistic reasons they do need to have hurried meal ingredients and ideas on hand for sure. And so should you.
We hope we’ve given you some meal plans that’ll at least make breakfast, lunch, or dinner seem doable the day you’re shown the door and asked not to come back at work probably out of the blue, if your boss is anything like His Orangeness Lord Donald Jon Trump, I. Stable blood sugar during such a palpitation-inducing event can mean the difference between having a panic attack as you leave or calling a headhunter on your cell to find you new work on your way out. Self-care will make your nightmare work environment less soul-crushing.
Also: Mini-trips to take if you really love guns.
Until next week then, dear readers, Bon Appetit and cheers!
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© 2018 Akbar Khan
