White Homes Matter–just ask Stephen Miller!/Image: Licensed Adobe Stock, marina_dikh.
Hello, Alt-design buffs and Spread Your Right Wings (SYRW) readers!
As you all are devotees of our wonderfully Alt-reader, President Donald J. Trump, and all the mediocre, egotistical, slightly unhinged, each in their own special way, people in his orbit, you no doubt are aware of a fabulous human named Stephen Miller. His a top White House adviser and a deranged anti-immigrant blowhard, of course, who apparently can’t stand the thought of Muslims, Hispanics, or any other “foreigners” cluttering up the gene pool in the U.S. he hopes to return to its never-was lily-white state. Nevermind the fact that he’s Jewish and doesn’t “count” as white in most of his fellow xenophobic-nationalists books. He still wants to limit, restrict, and generally put the kibosh on all things foreign.
Hence, he’s starting a little side hustle–and using his name and influence as a top White House adviser to promote it, which would have been considered unethical and illegal by almost any other previous White House administration, but in our dear Trump’s it’s A-OK!
“My second passion–after hating immigrants and cleansing my America of them–is organizing people’s homes,” the large-foreheaded Miller said in an interview. “My new business, “XenoHome”, seeks to rid your home of all things foreign as its primary path to making it an organized, orderly place for you to hang your hateful hat.”
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XenoHome, Miller told us in an interview, focuses primarily on ridding your home of foreign entities, not filling it with furniture or rearranging what you have like a traditional interior design firm.
“If there’s one group of people I dislike more than immigrants, it’s the cosmopolitan elites with their eclectic home goods purchased from sources as diverse as Restoration Hardware, vintage shops, and yard sales. All of that is of no concern to me. I just want to commit a genocide in your home. And here’s how.
Speaking Up for the Big Guy
As soon as he enters a home, Miller told us, he trains his eye on anything that represents, is emblazoned with, or contains hints of a foreign language. He says he doesn’t care if it’s French, Tagalog, Congolese or some other “shithole country’s tongue,” echoing Trump’s now notrious phrase.–it goes!
“That wiry-fibered welcome mat at your front door that says ‘Welcome’ in 20 different languages–OUT! That insipid wall-hanging in your kitchen that says, “Bon Appetit”–OUT. That horrific sign on your teenage daughter’s wall that says, “Se Habla Espanol”–OUT!”
If you want “America” to be a white homeland, as you, no doubt do, given that you read this website, Miller said, you must start with any linguistic nods to foreign languages. Purge them, and purge them now.
DVD TKO
Next, Miller sets his sights on a home’s media room, home theater, or wherever films and television shows are watched.
“I get rid of all the ‘foreign films,’ defined as ones that are in a language besides English. Any films with an actor whose first language isn’t English go next. And then, any movies set in a country besides America, I toss in a bag to be thrown out by me later.
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Please Do Stop Believin’
“Since I was a teenager when I began reading fringe right-wing texts and humiliating my educated, erudite, progressive, liberal, Jewish family, do you know what I hated the most, given that this was the mid to late 1980s? THE BAND, FOREIGNER,” he screamed at us.
The next places he heads to are anywhere music is enjoyed or wherever there is a stereo system. He hunts down all iPods and iPod docks, MP3 players, computers, laptops.
“If they have any Foreigner songs on them, like ‘I Want to Know What Love Is,’ ‘Waiting for a Girl Like You,’ or especially, ‘Dirty White Boy,” because of it’s anti-white undertones, I throw them out, delete them, and if I’m in a mood, chastise the person whose space I’m working on for having them in the first place. America will never be great again with an impure gene pool!”
Job Search
Miller said sometimes he feels like he should get a new job, given that he advises President Donald Trump on foreign policy.
“Sometimes I feel weird that my mother’s mother emigrated to the United States from Belarus–and obviously my father’s family at some pointed immigrated to this country from another European country. But for now, it feels good to spread intolerance and hate,” Miller said.
Miller said that when he’s super-stumped with something xeno-design-related, he calls in the big guns, pun intended: Michele Bachmann and Jeff Sessions, both of whom he’s worked for.
Despite being a despicable human being who should probably get laid already, Miller has a good deal of facility with the English language, and the speeches he’s written for Trump have actually made that brain-dead assmunch seem like he might have more than 10 brain cells.
The Land of the White, and the Home of the European
We can sense your excitement, dear readers. You want to get right to de-foreign-ing your abode, and we don’t blame you. If we can’t be nativist in our homes, how can we expect to advance the nativist cause on a national level, right? We’ll leave you to put into practice these wonderful Millerian home decor tips. As it is now, the eminently affordable yard and lawn labor provided by people of South American origin is too tempting for us–or even Miller!–to resist. We hope to find a way around that–er, them–soon.
Until next week, then, SYRW readers, when we’ll be back with more interior design advice, guidance, and project ideas specifically for the right-wing community.
We’ve said before on SYRW that Miller’s main problem is that he needs to get laid. And we think that we would pay someone to do the laying at this point, as he’s doing a lot of damage to the country.
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For now, wish you a happy-happy-home goodbye!
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© 2018 Akbar Khan
