As democracy crumbles, it’s important to remember: etiquette is everything!/Image Credit: pensitoreview
White House counsel and incorrigible legal firebrand Don McGahn turned down an invitation to attend President Donald Trump’s first–and probably last–Get Down for the Downfall of Democracy, shocking the D.C. Republican establishment, most of whom would do anything to attend.
“I had other plans, so I told Trump the truth: my soul is still intact, and I like democracy, so I couldn’t come,” McGahn said.
In June, Trump insisted McGahn fire Robert Mueller, the FBI special counsel investigating whether the president and/or anyone associated with his campaign, colluded with the Kremlin to get His Orangeness elected. That’s where McGahn drew the line.
“I told him it was like wearing white after Labor Day: I just won’t do it,” said McGahn. McGahn added that first, it would be agreeing to fire Robert Mueller, then it could be brown shoes and black belts, not scenting his raised-script letters to school chums, putting his silverware anywhere but 5 o’clock when he was done with it: democratic society in freefallal.
Related: Make a piping hot pot of Stir-the-Pot.
Many political pundits and legal scholars had speculated for months that an attempt by President Trump to enact a Saturday Night Massacre 2.0 would trigger a Constitutional crisis. How fitting that the crisis had already happened, and none of us knew it. We were all American Neros, fiddling while the nation burned.
“All I know is, the economy’s doing well. One day, that will have an effect on my life. I’m not sure when, but it will,” said Collie Seum, a Kentucky native who voted for Trump in the 2016 election. She said it would be tantamount to Liberal Snowflake party pooper behavior to believe any different and ruin everyone’s fun. “What kind of guest would I be if I didn’t bring a gift to a social affair–like the gift of my eternal capitulation to the capitalist fraud?”
A copy of McGahn’s polite RSVP to the Get Down obtained exclusively by Spread Your Right Wings (SYRW) read as follows: “I regret to inform you I will be unable to attend your Showdown With the Law Shindig. Thank you for your kind invitation, however. Cordially, Donald McGahn, Esq.”
“Honestly, what’s that guy thinking. Just goes to show ya’: a dude with long hair can’t be trusted,” Trump’s psychotic sycophant Rep. Devin Nunes (R-Calif.) noted, his face reddening–green-ing?–with envy.
Also: These 3 Trump admin stars want to decorate your home!
At the white tie affair, where John Kelly stood outside a la Steve Rubell, pointing at people who were allowed to enter the white tie affair and commenting on the physical flaws of those deemed on worthy of entering. Good luck to the men who forgot their white gloves!
Inside, Mike Pence bowed as he asked Melania Trump to join him in a stiff, awkward Pas de Deux as a string quartet played, “Closer,” by Nine Inch Nails,
Trump sat at an elaborately decorated table, grinning proudly, scanning the scene, and nodding. “Nice turnout–nicest turnout for any presidential party ever. A lot of people are saying I’m the most popular president in history.”
And: If you love Don Don Trump–and who doesn’t–you must watch these ten movies!
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© 2018 Akbar Khan
