Movies–a land of make-believe, like the Trump era itself./Image Credit: Licensed Dreamstime stock, Wisconsinart.
Rock-on, Red-State Reactionaries and Trump supporters! We have a treat on par with movie-theater-popcorn for you today…Actually, nothing is that good! This one isn’t the size of a small country like the “small” size popcorn at the multiplex is.
We’ve compiled a list for you today of 10 movies every Trump supporter simply must see! Like all good Trump supporter media, it’ll confirm a bias, remind you why you must support The Donald, and tease out your most basic human impulses! Unlike a lot of media Trump supporters are used to, it may not be about words screamed loudly at you with gaudy graphics. We know, we know–why view anything that doesn’t do that. But we ask you to bear with us, because some of these movies are still oh-so-necessary to see, and we’ll explain why for each!
10. Irreversible
This horrific nightmare–aren’t you intrigued already–is required viewing for two reasons. First, it’s told in reverse, which will bring home the idea that, as Trump supporters we love, which is that there is no such thing as truth or knowledge or reality,
there’s just dizzying lunacy. Even a story that violates the linear nature of Western storytelling can be watchable in the hands of a clever auteur like Gaspar Noe. Also, there’s a nine-and-a-half minute rape scene that is far more horrific than anything you can imagine it being. It’ll remind you of what Don Don is doing to democracy every day.
Related: A Trio of Indian Trump admin officials release a country well.
9. A Thousand Words
This is kind of painful to watch–but, really, as Trump supporters, we’re not so concerned with quality, now are we? This movie is worth it for the premise alone. Eddie Murphy plays a fast-and-too-much-talking con man who pulls one over financially on a yogi. The yogi’s punishment is a curse that makes a tree sprout up in his backyard, and every time he utters a word from that moment forth, a leaf falls. When all the leaves are gone, he dies. This is so fascinating, no?! Caring about words, giving thought to what we say rather than being a screaming Fox News banshee?! Wow–the world sure is full of lots of exotic viewpoints, huh?
8. Showgirls
LOTS of T&A, so for all us cis-gender, straight guys, that’s always the number one thing that makes anything appealing. But also, it’s all about Vegas shows and how the soulless monsters who run them care about nothing but their flashy, spectacle-like shows that bring in big bucks, at the expense of actual lives of actual people. One person, Nomi has thoughts on this, unlike the majority of those in the movie or who surround Trump. To them, like most of the characters in this show, it’s profit and self-promotion above all else. Lovely lesson.
7. All the President’s Men
This is basically a how-to manual of how to commit an unethical and immoral crime, then bungle the cover-up! Are you watching, Trump staff? They must have already, actually! Now, there are two people, the main characters, Woodward and Bernstein, that you have to ignore. That shouldn’t be hard for good, little Trump supporters, though. We’re super-skilled at turning a blind eye to what’sstaring us in the face! It’s also fascinating to watch the evolution of the Fake News media, of which Woodward and Bernstein were the founding Romulus and Remus.
6. No Way Out
An unsung classic of the military/spy thriller genre! It’s about Brice, who gets caught up in a situation from which he has–you guessed it–No Way Out. This is sort of how the Republican legislative establishment and Trump supporters are treating their relationship with Trump. To call it quits now, when every sane person knows that Trump is monumentally unfit for his job would involve turning off Fox News and admitting that we were wrong. Our egos simply won’t–can’t!–allow this! Of course, the difference is that Brice actually doesn’t have a choice in an impossible situation.
Also: Try these Trump admin-based products. You gotta buy these.
5. The Others
Another psychological thriller. It’s about the stories we tell ourselves–including lies–in order to make life livable. Everyone does that, and it can even be good! The thing is recognizing it and functioning with a knowledge of it, rather than be convinced that our version of reality is “reality.” Even though there is an objective reality, we all have different experiences of it. And this tour-de-force will make you think–sorry about that part!–about what we all convince ourselves of and why. And it will have sympathy–again, sorry!–for the moment you realize others have a different take on the same experiences as you.
4. Dogville
Upon its release, this long, ultra-cerebral Lars Von Trier film was denounced by many critics as “pessimistic” or “misanthropic.” Well, I think we. can all agree at this point that humanity deserves to be hated–and also that we can’t stop loving it. This film, to us here at Spread Your Right Wings (SYRW), is all about societal scapegoats. We can kick them while they’re down, but every dog has its day. That rings true for us Trump supporters and the misguided “day” we think we’re having now, and for the marginalized groups and the Earth who were starting to have some well-deserved “days,” i.e., “rights,” until Trump came along to shackle them like Nicole Kidman’s character in this movie.
3. Mommie Dearest
First of all, there is no better performance in all of cinema history than that of Faye Dunaway as Joan Crawford. So, there’s that. Again, the way the studio system of the 1940s and ’50s Hollywood used people like Crawford, seducing them with fame and profit, then chewed them up and spit them out, is a lovely metaphor for the industrio-capitalist machine and how it treats people like cogs in a machine. And it keeps us all hooked and dependent. Good, clean family fun!
2. The Facts of Life Down Under
Oh, yeah–that’s right: a TV movie. We’re Trump supporters, and we defy expectations. So, you know how you think, “I love Mrs. Garrett, Blaire, Jo, Tootie, and Natalie. Them in Australia for two hours? What could go wrong?” Sort of like, “I loved Donald Trump on ‘The Apprentice.’ Him as president: what could go wrong?” Well, it does. But it’s okay to turn it off! The Eastland Gang is everything, everything, always, always. It’s just this movie isn’t what you thought it was going to be. That’s okay!
And: You’ve gotta try these Trump era-D.C eating establishments.
1. Trainspotting
1990s Edinburgh, Scotland equals Anytown, USA now, first of all. Economically depressed and ravaged by opiate addiction. However, this is a thoughtful and artful treatment of the subject. It’s not Trump supporter, white, blue-collar rage. Get out your hankies, because it’s beautiful and poetic. We challenge you to sit with the uncomfortable feelings it might bring up and thoughtfully address them, rather than lashing out. Don’t like being condescended to like that, like a child? Start acting like an adult.
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© 2018 Akbar Khan
