Ivanka Trump didn’t go to law school, but she’s a legal eagle nonetheless!/Image credit: Dreamstime Stock, Laurene Agron.
Hey, Readers! It’s me, Bubbles McMillan, back with some seriously juicy right-wing gossip for you. I have GOT to tell you something–but shhhhhh! You can’t tell anyone else! Lean in close!
Snowflakes Are Frozen Acid Rain
So, Salon–a liberal media outlet if there ever was one, right Spread Your Right Wings (SYRW) readers–curated a list of several artful and judicious instances, on social media or in interviews, when Ivanka Trump “misused” words. They’re generally in the right range, but not quite on the mark, i.e., completely idiotic and embarrassing.
Below are a couple choice examples for you, SYRW readers.
“There is no typical day! My husband has incredibly long hours, so I try to keep mine on a relative basis,” she told US Weekly when asked to describe an average day in her life.
Related: There’s a liberal conspiracy behind the latest decor trends!
“I think we represent 50 percent of the population, so there is no one-size-fits-all when it comes to women in the workplace. And then you have the cultural overlay, which differs from country to country, region to region…” she said of her pet cause, women-at-work issues.
“If being complicit..is wanting to be a force for good and to make a positive impact, then I’m complicit,” she told CBS when asked about the liberal community’s frequent accusation that she’s, well, complicit in her father’s pussy-grabbing war on women.
Hiding In Plain Plight
While the liberal intelligentsia may think they’re pointing out that Ivanka falls into that special brand of simpleton who uses words clumsily and awkwardly, often thinking they’re using them well and in a way that you can sort of tell what she meant, they don’t know what I’m about to tell you, SYRW readers.
Must-Read: See what Steve Bannon said about his daily skincare regimen.
This is all part of the legal strategy Ivanka came up with that will eventually exculpate her father, her husband, two of her brothers, and yes, herself, from any “collusion” with Russia to get The Donald elected. Brilliant much?
My very connected sources tell me Ivanka’s got it all planned out, and President Trump’s legal team is on board.
“Neither my father nor anyone associated with his campaign protruded with Russia to get him elected,” Ivanka plans on saying if asked under oath, what she knows, if anything, about the Trump campaign’s secret dealings with The Kremlin. Can’t argue with that, can you left-wing loonies!
“I didn’t think the June 9th fleeting in Trump Tower was anything worth mentioning, ” she’s reportedly encouraged Jared to say about the infamous, yet totally innocent, 2016 meeting attended by Trump campaign officials and family members, along with Kremlin-linked notables, in exchange for damning info on Hillary Clinton. See ya’ later, clearly-incriminating evidence!
“We knew nothing of Michael Flynn’s collections to Russia when we brought him on the campaign, and as soon as we did–which we didn’t–we fired him,” Ivanka’s instructed Paul Manafort to say. Who says you need a J.D. to successfully defend yourself in court!
There’s Even More To It!
Of course, the linguistic forest you must see for these word-trees is this: facts don’t matter anymore, so why should words? Clumsy with words, clumsy with human rights. I meant to say “Mexican,” but instead I said “rapist.” The Access Hollywood tape never happened, because….oh, what’s that?–a bomb, dropped on Syria?
As a Bulgarian politician told General Michael Hayden, and the latter recounted on CNN: “Truth is what serves the party.” And words are too! Nothing means anything, because anything can mean everything. InfoWars is valid journalism, yet the New York Times isn’t. CNN and MSNBC are liberal propaganda, but Fox News is honest reporting. And you, my fabulous right-wing readers, now have all the alternative facts.
Don’t Miss: We were the first to bring you news of WH legal counsel Ty Cobb’s big career change.
Pass it on, and I’ll have more dish for you next week!
We at Spread Your Right Wings generally don’t like people, the Internet, or interacting with people on the Internet. Seek out someone—in person—to talk to and laugh with about this article. Check back with us as we continue to mock the right wing. Follow us on Twitter at @worstaltlife join our Facebook group, and follow us on Instagram at @worstaltlife. If you simply must get in touch with us, DM us through our Facebook group. Also, please, please see the disclaimer in our About section.
© 2017 Akbar Khan
