Which rice matters? White rice matters!/Image: Licensed Dreamstime stock, Ettiennevoss.
This week in the Food Department we’re going to talk about white rice. Why?–Because white lives–and white rice–matter!
Brown Rice’s Reign Is Over
Remember a time when to have “rice” meant to have “white rice”–the good ol’ days of rice consumption? Then along came the nutritionists–of undoubtedly non-white ethnic origin–who changed things up. Soon, common knowledge in dietetic circles and soon after in the broader population, became that brown rice is healthier. The argument was that, because white rice is brown rice with the husk, bran, and germ removed, all the nutrition contained in those parts of the food was being wasted and lost to the consumer of the rice. Much of rice’s benefits were in those parts of the rice, it was argued. Without them, it’s a source of energy, sure, but as it’s white self, it’s a simple carbohydrate, so it’s more of a blood-sugar rush followed by a crash than the sustained energy delivery of a complex carbohydrate, like its brown counterpart.
Perhaps on a solely chemical, cellular level, this is true. But don’t we got some nutrition–aren’t our minds and souls–nourished, by feeling pride, by being validated, by feeling like we….matter? Yes, of course we do and they are!
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White lives matter, Alt-RIght readers, and the first step in reestablishing the worth of us, the poor, marginalized, delegitimized white races, is reestablishing the worth of other white things–like rice! RICE and RACE only differ in one letter, after all! First, we get white rice back on the national scene as the cool rice to eat, then the White Pages (such a convenient tooll!), then white tie events (they’re considered MORE formal than black tie, so ha!), then white lives…then white sheets worn in a conical shape on our heads!
Bringing Back the Naked Rice Grain
Now, we at Spread Your Right Wings (SYRW) will review the process of “whiting” rice to prove it’s superior to other types. White rice is brown rice, milled and processed to reach the white state. Therefore, we consider it, and we know you politically hard-right SYRW readers agree, white rice is essentially more advanced, if you will, brown rice. In terms of what it takes to achieve it, white rice more complicated and, therefore, evolved than brown rice. The same goes for people!
Ironically, two of our favorite white rice varieties are Basmati, from India, and Japonica, from Japan. Not European! “Very sad!” as poet-president Donald Trump would say. But rice needs very humid, rainy climates to thrive in, so what’re ya’ gonna do, right, readers?
A Simple–But Meaningful–White Rice Repast
Now, we have some ideas for a cute, fun, race-baiting white rice meal at your Alt-home.
Cook some white rice. Here’s a great recipe you can follow, courtesy of The 36th Avenue. Yummy!
Serve the white rice–and nothing more, to symbolize how white lives don’t need anything or anyone else to validate them–it in a white dish, on a white tablecloth, with white napkins (fabric or paper), white utensils (even if they have to be plastic), surrounded by white light bulbs and candles, and put some white flowers in the center of the table. White roses are a nice, not-too-fragrant choice.
Serve sake, made from the white starch of rice even more processed rice, and moochi, the desert made from white rice. Simply refuse to think about the fact that both these products are Japanese in origin. We are right-wingers, after all, and nothing if not great at selectively paying attention to what we want to know, ignoring or glossing over what we don’t want to know. Then. we can essentially believe what feels good or is easier or more desirable to believe in some way, rather than what we know to be “correct” or “right.”
The most important part of your White Rice Repast is actually the guest list, which should consist of only white-skinned people. Now, you really shouldn’t be allowing non-whites into your home, unless they’re there to clean or tend to plants, anyway, so this part should be easy for you.
At Black Lives Matter protests, the call-and-response cry you often here is: “Whose lives matter? Black lives matter?” Well, you, Right Wing Nut Job reader are going to appropriate that chant as white races have been appropriating aspects of non-white cultures for hundreds of years now–but not nearly their entire existence, notably–all over the world during the Imperial Era of European history.
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The Piece De Marginalized-White Resistance!
So, when your guests are seated in front of this lovely White Rice Repast, look each in the eye and ask, without allowing them to look away as they answer, “Which rice matters? They should respond, of course, “White rice matters.” Go around the table until all your guests have offered their take on what kind of rice, indeed, matters!
Throw in some cute, fun, white ideas of your own, SYRW readers! White apparel, white decor of some sort, white anything that fits a lighthearted, heavy-handed dinner party.
We hope you’ve enjoyed this stroll down White Rice Lane and will host a white-rice-based good time at your home. Thank you for taking this little white carb journey with us, and make sure to check back the next Friday for the next installment of Food at SYRW. We Alt-Righters have to keep our energy up!
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