White House legal counsel Ty Cobb/Image: Courtesy of wibw.com
White House legal counsel Ty Cobb said he’d leave behind his life in the circus in a press conference in which he addressed his role in defending President Trump in any charges brought against him by special investigator Robert Mueller.
“We intend to present a fact-based defense on the Russia probe,” said Cobb, which many White House watchers took as an indication that no prancing elephants or honking horns would be used to vindicate Trump from the charges many expect Mueller to bring against the Alt-Right president, possibly for obstruction of justice.
“Additionally, we will not bring a popcorn machine into the courtroom and serve the snack to jurors in red-and-white striped paper bags,” Cobb told a group of reporters gathered for the press conference. He said his defense team may scent the courtroom with horse feces to set the mood, though that will likely be a fragrance that fills the room due to the nature of their arguments in any case.
Cobb noted that the White House had initially retained his legal counsel in keeping with Trump’s treatment of life in the highest, most-esteemed political office in the nation as a three-ring circus, with himself as the ringmaster, and Kellyanne Conway as Head Clown. This shed light on, Conway’s unorthodox outfit at Trump’s inauguration this past January.
“Since the time they initially retained me,” Cobb said, “The White House has gone from locker-room talk and ape-like bluster to sheer paranoia and clinical dementia. The latter framework is much more serious, and so will our defense be,” the seasoned attorney said.
The White House’s choice of Cobb to defend him in a contemporary court case surprised many, as the legal eagle graduated from law school in 1920, and so much has changed since then. Cobb’s legal career began with a flourish when he chose to defend himself against the charge of tying a screaming woman to a set of railroad tracks in the previously sleepy hamlet of Moonshine, Kentucky.
In that historic case, he paced back and forth with his thumbs hooked into the pockets of his linen vest , the chain of his watch fob stretching out in a u-shape across his abdomen, while making the brilliant legal arguments that eventually acquitted him as ceiling fans turned sleepily above and women fanned themselves against the summer heat.
Cobb nodded and thanked the gathered reporters. A cane appeared from the left and yanked him away from the podium.
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© 2017 Akbar Khan
